What I've Been Thinking...

Someone explain this to me??

2012-01-13T16:34:00.000-08:00

-Take the last 3 digits of your mobile number, for example 866-555-1212, write it down like this @*[212:0] remove the star and enter it into the comment box below. A random name appears.

Confidence Issues

2011-03-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

I often think, when I am reading other teachers' blog posts or tweets, that it must be a great feeling to be so confident of one's abilities.

I am having confidence issues.

I am confident that I care deeply about my students, and I am confident that I try my very best to help them learn. Other than that, I am on shaky ground.

I am not confident that what I am teaching them is what they really need to know. The Common Core Standards may tell me that I am on the right track, but I am not very confident in the Common Core Standards, either. I see kids who are so disengaged and turned off by the curriculum that no project is going to bring them back. You can't make kids be intrinsically motivated about things that they care nothing about.

But, on the other hand, if kids DON'T learn some of the less-than-thrilling concepts in the Common Core Standards, can they really be called educated?

Can ALL learning be engaging? Do all kids need to learn the same things? Can't the curriculum be differentiated as well as the instruction?

I have confidence issues across the board, so it is only natural that I would question what I am doing in the classroom.

I just wonder if anyone else out there fights the same demons?

Inspirationally Speaking

2011-03-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I attended a workshop on transition with a group of kids with IEPs. The workshop started off with an inspirational speaker.

Now, if you knew me, you would know that I am a person who always sees the glass as being half empty. I am always sure the worst possible thing is going to happen, and sad to say, I have been right in this assumption most of the time. My life has been a series of self-fulfilling prophecies.

Given my pessimistic frame of mind, most inspirational speakers leave me quite cold.

Brett Eastburn was different. He was born with no arms and no legs. If that was me, I would have lain in a bed for the rest of my life and wanted someone to take care of me. Not this guy. He said he didn't want to use prosthetic legs and arms because they get in his way, and I believe him. He could dribble a basketball, throw a football, and break a board with his...this sounds awful, but it is what it is...stub. He was an art major in college. AN ART MAJOR...with no hands.

Mr. Eastburn is also a stand-up comic. He has one wicked sense of humor. Here is a link to his website:
www.bretteastburn.com

I have some heavy issues on my plate, but nothing nearly as heavy as this man has had to deal with on a daily basis in his life. And so, I haven't allowed myself to wallow in self-pity since Friday. Wallowing in self-pity is something I do with great skill and regularity, but Mr. Eastburn truly made me see that I am a lot luckier than I like to admit.

It is like that old saying that has become trite through overuse : "I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet."

The kids who went to the workshop with me were talking about Brett Eastburn today in class. They think it would be a good thing for the entire school to hear him.

I think so, too. If he could reach a crusty old broad like me, imagine how many kids' lives he could touch!

Voices of Experience

2011-03-10T15:38:00.000-08:00

I have been reading a lot of comments about how older teachers won't get on the change train.

I can't quite figure out where I fit in this age thing. I am definitely old enough to be considered an old-timer, but because I stayed at home with my kids when they were small, I've taught about 12 years or so, which makes me middle-aged in experience.

Wherever I fit, it saddens me to hear of people over the age of 50 denigrated as "not getting it".

My father, at 85, was the wisest person I have ever met when it came to educating kids. I miss bouncing ideas off of him, because I haven't found a sounding board that can even come close to replacing him.

If teachers with over 25 years of experience don't hop right aboard the change train, it is probably because they have ridden that train before, and it didn't take them where it was supposed to go. There really aren't that many new ideas in education. We keep recycling the same things and giving them different names.

Why don't we listen to what these seasoned veterans have to say? REALLY LISTEN, not just sit there and think, "Oh, she's old, so she doesn't get it" while we nod our heads.

We're all feeling beat up right now. No one seems to like teachers. The least we can do is like one another and respect everyone's opinion...young or old.

Why I Like Having a Boss who Twitters

2011-03-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

Things haven't always been sunshine and lollipops between me and The Boss (@phsprincipal). I learned pretty quickly that I wasn't the first choice to be hired (#1 was happy to let me know she had been hired first), so I was hurt about that. I had just gone through an ugly divorce, so I didn't like men very much anyway. The Boss was even a Taurus - just like The Ex. I think that they might even share a birthday. I took that as a bad omen.

I was terrified my first few years at this job. I was new at being a Special Ed teacher, and my last teaching job had been 20 years before. The Boss scared me because I couldn't read him at all, and reading people is typically one of my strong suits. My plan, those first few years, was to avoid the office whenever possible. Naturally, this didn't lead to any greater understanding between me and the administration.

As I became more comfortable at my job, I became more comfortable with The Boss, but I still didn't feel like I knew him very well. He's a very private person, as he will be the first to tell you. And since I had always had a friendly relationship with my past bosses, I missed that in this job.

Then the Twitter thing happened.

The Boss was on Twitter a long time before I was. I lurked for months before I posted, then when I posted, no one seemed very interested, so I lurked again. During this lurking, I paid particular attention to what The Boss was tweeting.

He had a sense of humor! A wonderfully wry sense of humor! And sometimes...he was actually kind of...dare I say it...goofy! Who knew?

I read what he retweeted. I learned that he and I have very similar views on education. Who knew?

I also saw that he was respected by other educators and held in high esteem by other members of the profession. This made me start thinking that our school was darn lucky to have him.

The Boss and I aren't best friends, nor should we be. But I do feel, thanks to Twitter, that we have a friendly working relationship. I know that Twitter has led to an increase of my respect for him. I think I better understand the direction he would like to take our school. Those are all good things.

So, all you administrators, keep tweeting! Who knows how it might affect your staff?

Things My Mom Taught Me

2011-02-23T17:14:00.000-08:00

My mom passed away a year ago today.

Mom has been on my mind all day, and I have been thinking about some of the things I learned from her.

1. Pass on your passion. She sure did a great job of this! My brother and I both love music, and so do all of our kids. Mom insisted I take piano lessons, and she and I sang together almost every day.

2. Be proud of your work, no matter what your job is. When Mom was a stay-at-home-mom, her house was spotless, and the meals were delicious. Once she went back to work, she was an excellent employee and gave her job her absolute best. I didn't pick up on the cooking and housekeeping, but I have always tried my best at any job I have had. And if circumstances force me to do something other than teach, I will give that job the best I can, too. I think this has passed on to my kids, both of whom are good, hard workers.

3. Family first, always. Nothing came before her kids and grandchildren, and my kids are the most important people in my life, too.

4. Stand up for what you believe in. Mom never backed down from a fight if she thought she was right (and Mom always thought she was right ;-) ). Sometimes, I wish I wasn't quite so much like her in this regard, but I am.

So tonight, I'm sending thoughts of gratitude to Mom. I hope she knows how much I appreciate all she ever did for me.

Evaluating Evaluations

2011-02-20T14:16:00.000-08:00

(I posted about this yesterday and decided it wasn't saying what I wanted to say. This is take 2.)

Anytime an administrator walks into my room, my first reaction is "Oh no, what did I do now?"

My second reaction is "Oh dear. Am I going to be doing anything that is worth seeing?"

I am a nervous wreck when there is a boss in the room. The exception to this is @phsprincipal. I think he doesn't make me nervous because I know he thinks I am a good teacher. The other two bosses - I don't think they are so impressed.

When it comes time for an "official" evaluation, I am REALLY nervous. I over plan. I stage what I am going to say and how I am going to act. In short, if I know when the evaluation is going to take place, the bosses aren't really seeing me. Instead, they are seeing me ACT like I think a good teacher should act.

Last year, after the pre-evaluation stuff, The Boss and I set a date for him to come in and observe me. Really, this was kind of silly, because my room was right across from the office, and he was popping in all the time. But, we set the date. An emergency came up, and he couldn't make it. We were talking about a new date out in the hall, and I told him just to come in the next hour.

He did. I had no time to prepare my "act". He saw the real me teaching. I received the best evaluation of my life.

The way we do evaluations now are not a true reflection of a teacher's abilities. There should be more than one observation. There should be feedback after each observation, no matter how short the observation. There should be more than one person observing, and one of those people should be someone that teaches in the same area.

Definitely, for Special Ed teachers, one of the people evaluating should be another Special Ed person. That evaluator should have access to the IEPs the teacher is producing, and there should also be some way to check and see that legal notifications are being sent on a timely basis.

I am on our school committee to look at our evaluation forms and possibly come up with something new. I think this is going to be quite interesting! I would love to know how your school handles evaluations. Please comment!

Unmotivated

2011-02-17T17:30:00.000-08:00

I have been listening to some of my fellow teachers discuss how students are not doing their work, and how horrible it is, and how hard the teachers worked when they were in school.

I didn't do squat.

I was notorious for sleeping in class and falling out of my desk. The whole business just started too early and was pretty boring, in my opinion. I only tried hard enough to make good enough grades to keep the good student discount on the car insurance. Dad had promised me he'd yank the car if I didn't do that.

I wasn't much better in college. Thank goodness they didn't count attendance back in the day. I would roll out of bed around noon, watch All My Children, then head to my afternoon classes. I went to morning classes only to find out when the midterms and finals were going to be held.

I was the classic underachieving, non-motivated student.

One exception to this was American History my sophomore year of high school. I loved American History. It was that year that I learned to love biographies, especially biographies of historical figures.

My junior year, I had the same teacher, but the subject was World History. Yuck. I starting sleeping in class.

My teacher wouldn't let me sleep in peace, however. He wanted to know "what my problem was". So I told him. I told him we weren't reading about people, we were reading about events, and it was boring. Sorry, I needed to nap.

His response was quite unusual. He gave me the task of telling the class about one historical figure from whatever period we were studying. Every Friday, I had to get up in front of the class and give a little speech about some person the teacher would assign me on Monday. I promised not to sleep anymore if I didn't have to do this, but he insisted. Instead a taking a quiz over the material, I had to talk about my person.

The outcome of this is that I became more interested in the events we were studying because I was reading about the people involved in the events. I also learned I liked telling people about things I had read. That was probably the planting of the seed that would grow into me being a teacher.

This teacher thought out of the box and managed to motivate a very drowsy girl. I now admire his creativity and also the fact that he just didn't lecture me about my laziness. He tried to find a way to reach me.

I also get annoyed when kids don't finish assignments and only half-try when we are doing projects. Maybe I need to look a little harder at the assignment and figure out why the kids aren't excited about doing it. Maybe I should look a little closer at the student and try to figure out some angle that would let me reach him or her.

Unmotivated students have always existed. We really need to pull out every trick from our magic bags to reach them.

Passionate

2011-02-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

This isn't going to be a very polished post, because I am confused right now.

I have been reading and thinking a lot about passion-based education. I think back on my days as a high school student. I was most passionate about music. I loved it. I was in the orchestra, and back then, at my school, you had to be in marching band to be in orchestra. I didn't like marching band, but I stuck it out just so I could play in the orchestra. I also loved singing, but I couldn't be in both band and chorus, since I was on the "College Prep" track. I had to learn that Organic Chemistry and Advanced Biology, and of course, the bane of my existence, Geometry. (I have never used those three subjects again since then.)

If I could have been in a passion-based program, I could have been in chorus. I strongly suspect being in chorus would have changed the direction of my life. I thought very seriously about being a music teacher, but I knew I couldn't handle being in charge of a marching band. However, I know that I would have loved teaching chorus. Since I was never exposed to chorus in high school, I didn't realize that until it was too late.

But...if we allow students just to follow their passions...can they learn the things that they really need to know? Can we really imbed the material outlined in the common core standards into non-traditional classes? Will students really learn in-depth math, science, and writing skills by doing passion-driven projects? Do some subjects require old-fashioned direct instruction? Do ALL students really need to learn the material required by the common core standards?

I certainly have no answers. I feel that a lot of what we do now isn't working for a lot of students. I feel we need a change. But I can't quite wrap my head around what the change should be.

Cherish Your Parents

2011-02-12T22:52:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I am listening to my mother's wind chimes outside my window.

Mom died on February 23, 2010. It feels like she has been gone much longer than that.

After Dad's death, I called Mom every night to talk to her. I still think, around 10 p.m., that I need to talk to Mom. It is always a little jolt to realize that she isn't there to call anymore.

Today, while I was getting that first ever manicure, I was seated next to a lady who was there with her mother. They reminded me so much of me and my mom that I found myself tearing up as I watched them interact. They were so close.

Losing your parents leaves a hole in your life that I fear can never be filled. I am trying, every day, to muddle through, because I know that neither one of my parents would want me to mourn them for the rest of my life. Some days, however, are just harder than others, and as the anniversary of Mom's death approaches, the pain in my heart seems to grow.

I used to get a little angry with Mom when she wanted me to drive 3 hours one way to visit her every weekend. Now I would drive all day and all night just to be able to see her again.

Cherish your parents while you can. You can never replace them.

Don't Vote for Mitch Daniels

2011-02-11T17:50:00.000-08:00

Last week, Tony Bennett, Indiana's Education Superintendent, revealed the new proposed evaluation guidelines for teachers and principals in Indiana.

http://www.jconline.com/article/20110204/NEWS09/110204027/Indiana-Department-of-Education-releases-teacher-evaluation-model

Teachers are not happy. Principals are not happy.
http://www.wibc.com/news/Story.aspx?id=1360572

Our Man Mitch has stated that he wants at least 1/2 of teachers' evaluations to be based on student performance on the ISTEP, Indiana's state achievement test.

Another interesting provision in this proposed legislation is that principals will be expected to have the "majority' of their students make 1.5 years progress each year.

How stinking ridiculous is that?? If kids make that much progress each year, they will be at 12th grade level by the end of 8th grade. Maybe that is another one of Mitch's brilliant ideas to save money - just shut the high schools down.

There is no mention of kids with disabilities. I know NCLB expected ALL children to be meeting or exceeding standards by...is it 2014? How in the world can anyone expect a kid with a disability to improve 1.5 years each year?? And if Special Ed teachers' pay is based on test scores, well...who in their right mind would want to be a Special Education teacher??

I was told by an Indiana principal that I follow on Twitter that principals will be dinged if they don't give the correct number of good evaluations, middling evaluations, and poor evaluations. What if a principal has a building of really good teachers? Tough luck, I guess. Some of them will HAVE to be rated poor because Our Man Mitch says so.

I fear that similar evaluation plans will be coming to all states before this nonsense is all over. I can't figure out who this is supposed to help. I know of kids in Indiana with IEPs who have dropped out because they just couldn't pass the ISTEP, which is required for high school graduation. I wonder what this added pressure will do to those kids?

Daniels's name has been tossed around by pundits as a possible Republican candidate for 2012. All I can say is - if you don't want to be evaluated by test scores, don't vote for him.

Our Man Mitch certainly isn't the man for educators.

You Can Lead Them...

2011-02-09T19:18:00.000-08:00

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
-Old English Proverb

Some of my colleagues are in the doldrums right now because of students who just don't seem to care about their work.

Yep, they are in the doldrums. Their sails are slack. They don't feel that their boats are moving.

These are very involved, caring, innovative teachers. They do project based learning. They provide frequent, meaningful feedback. They give students choices. Still, they are faced with students who just don't care and who just won't do any work.

You can make the water as great as possible. You can put Kool-Aid in it. You can put crushed ice in it. You can even float a mint leaf on the top. You can give the kids a straw. You can let them pick the straw. You can let them put the Kool-Aid in the water. You can let them choose the flavor. You can use an electric mixer to mix the Kool-Aid in the water (but be careful with that!) You can call their parents and tell them their kid won't drink the water.

Some kids just won't do it. Period.

You lead everyone to the water and celebrate those who drink right away. You prod and poke at the ones who won't drink; you pull all your tricks out of your hat to get them to drink, but if they won't, you can't blame yourself.

Some horses just don't realize how much they are missing by staying thirsty.

The Principal Is Your Pal

2011-02-08T16:05:00.000-08:00

'Tis the season of teachers' discontent. This is our long stretch without a break (unless the weather gives us one!). The kids are also discontented, and they like to show it by taking it out on us.

This makes for lots of complaining from staff members. I do it too, so I don't want this post to come off like I am oh-so-wonderful-I-never-complain. But I think the big difference between me and a lot of other people is that if I am really upset about something, some administrator...maybe all the administrators...is/are going to hear about it.

Today, someone was very upset about something, and she talked to me for a long time about her problem. I know this was really bothering her, because she actually had tears in her eyes. I'm not exactly sure who this person's boss is, so I told her to explain the situation to mine. (I'm sure he will love the fact that I volunteered his ear for this! :D) She immediately said, "Oh, no, no...I don't want to get in trouble."

I have learned a very valuable lesson a very hard way. If you DON'T air your issues and problems with someone who can help you find a solution, you will eventually crack, and the result may not be pretty.

And if I got in trouble every time I brought a complaint up to The Boss, well...I'd be in trouble a lot of the time.

Teachers need to get over the feeling that it is "us vs. them" when it comes to the administration. I really don't think, well, at least I HOPE, that there are any administrators who got into that position just to make teachers' lives miserable. If the teachers are unhappy, it will show in their teaching, and then, the kids will suffer. (And maybe even test scores will drop!)

If something is really bothering you about your school or your job, don't be afraid to tell someone who can maybe fix the problem.

(The Boss only closes his door every other time he sees me coming!)

The Valedictorian's Speech

2011-02-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there was little boy who didn't stutter. He could name all the dinosaurs without the least stammer. He would proudly announce he wanted to be a paleontologist without getting stuck on the p.

Then, for some reason, he began to stutter when he was in kindergarten. His teacher told his mother that children usually stuttered because of "something wrong at home".

The little boy stuttered more and more. He didn't get parts in school plays because his teachers were afraid he would embarrass himself, or perhaps them. His speech therapist didn't know what to do, so she suggested that the little boy go to a hypnotherapist.

The mother, desperate, blaming herself because of the kindergarten teacher's remark, took the little boy to the hypnotherapist. She read everything about stuttering that she could find. Nothing seemed to help.

The family moved. The little boy became a bigger boy, and his stuttering got worse. When he was in 5th grade, he could barely talk. The smartest kid in the school - and he couldn't talk. The school speech therapist could not help.

The mother heard that the speech department at a local college might be able to help. She took the boy there. There was improvement, but the mother and the boy realized that he would always stutter.

In middle school and high school, the boy was in every play and production that the school produced. He never stammered, but he still couldn't talk on the phone. Every spring, it seemed the stuttering became worse. He gave up on speech therapists. No one could cure him. He would have to fight his own battle with this disability.

Graduation day, the boy was valedictorian. He gave a beautiful speech - flawlessly. He received a standing ovation. There were tears in many eyes because of the eloquence of the speech. The mother was crying - with pride, and with admiration. She knew what a battle had been fought to get that speech out so perfectly.

My son still deals with his stuttering, and he always will. He doesn't have a Lionel to help him. He does it on his own.

Aloha, Mr. Hand

2011-02-05T08:34:00.000-08:00

There have been many teachers portrayed in film. Some of the most memorable have been John Keating, in The Dead's Poet Society, Jaime Escalante in Stand and Deliver, and, of course, Mr. Chips.

My favorite teacher character from a movie is Mr. Hand, played by Ray Walston, in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

If you are too young to have seen this movie, it is a coming-of-age picture made in 1982. I was working at my first teaching job then. This movie is funny and gives you a little taste of what life was like back in the dark ages. ;-)

Mr. Hand, played by Ray Walston, teaches history. He starts off being very strict, but he is also funny. He demands that the students don't waste his time in his class.

Mr. Hand has quite a problem with Jeff Spicoli, played by Sean Penn. Jeff wants to waste a lot of time. He brings food into class, one of Mr. Hand's biggest peeves. In fact, Spicoli orders pizza to be delivered to Mr. Hand's class!

Of course, Spicoli doesn't do anything and is in danger of not graduating.

The night of the big graduation dance, Spicoli is shocked to find Mr. Hand standing in his bedroom. Mr. Hand has chosen that night to make up the 8 hours of class time that he estimates Spicoli has wasted. At the end, Spicoli shows that he understands a little bit of history, Mr. Hand passes him, and Spicoli goes to the dance.

Mr. Hand cares enough about his most troublesome student to make sure he graduates. He cares enough to make Spicoli use his brain (well, what little he has left!).

I'm not sure very many of us can be John Keating, Jaime Escalante, or Mr. Chips. But I think ALL of us can care enough about our students to make sure they do their best.

Aloha!

Ready, Set, Action!

2011-02-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

"We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them."
- Abigail Adams

I am currently reading John Adams, by David McCullough. This quote, from Mrs. Adams, just really struck a chord with me.

We talk, talk, talk, talk, talk about improving education. We throw out ideas to implement in our classrooms, and while those will improve learning, the entire system and what it was designed to do is what needs a major overhaul.

The first step, in my mind, is to get people's noses out of our business whose noses belong elsewhere.

There are some rich people blathering around criticisms and claiming they know how to fix education. Wonder where they taught?

There are politicians, both at the state and national level, that are deciding what we are supposed to teach and when. These same politicians are deciding, at least in the state I teach, what can be counted as professional development or not.

What works in San Francisco won't work in Bug Fart, Alabama. What works in Chicago won't work in Paris, IL. We need to control our OWN schools! We need to decide what our students need...our OWN students, in our OWN buildings, in our OWN towns. We need the freedom to decide what constitutes seat time, and how much seniors really need of that. We need to decide what needs to be taught...to whom...and when - for OUR kids.

I don't know how we get the rich people to shut up. Duct tape, maybe. Anyone remember Cousin Eddy from all those Vacation movies? I wonder if he is available...

But the politicians...we CAN get rid of them! I know I am not voting for Mitch Daniels ever again in my lifetime because he has stuck his nose in Indiana education and screwed things up royally. If that man runs for president, DON'T VOTE FOR HIM. You think Duncan is bad??

Listen to what the candidates are saying in their speeches. If there are any that say it is time for politicians to get their noses out of education, vote for them! I sound like Glenn Beck or a Tea Bagger or both, and I am politically so far removed from that faction that it is ridiculous. But I agree with them on this: government has no business taking over everything.

I most fear a standardized test that will be given to every child in the country. The apples in San Francisco will be compared to the oranges in Bug Fart, Alabama. And the next step? Teachers will be paid according the the rise and fall of these test scores. (You can tell me I was right in about 6 years. I'll still be here.)

It is time for some action. Listen to what politicians are saying. Vote against them if they are for this national standardization crap. Vote for them if they realize that the best thing for education is for it to be as individualized as possible.

Let's take charge of our futures. Let's take charge of the future of tomorrow's students.

Looking for Miracles

2011-02-03T12:36:00.000-08:00

I am a skeptic. I don't believe things happen for a reason. I don't believe in miracles.

Oprah took over Discovery Health, much to my dismay. I liked watching shows about diseases, crazy people, coroners, and parasites. They are still out there, but now, I have to hunt for them. It was much more convenient to have all those shows on one channel.

Anyway, I am not impressed with most of the offerings on OWN, mainly because I find them way to syrupy and uplifting. Gah.

The only show that HAS caught my attention is "Miracle Detectives".

This program features a religious kind of guy who believes in miracles, and a scientific type of skeptic who does not.

I think this woman is a lot like me. She would love to see a miracle so she could believe in them. She would love not to be a skeptic. There have been a few episodes when I have actually thought there was no scientific explanation for what was happening, but she didn't seem convinced.

It seems we are all looking for a miracle to cure our woes in education. We are looking for one magic silver bullet to solve all our problems. Some think it is technology. Some think it is charter schools. Others think it is merit pay tied to standardized testing. Some think it is Common Core Standards. Most of us have no firm idea what will fix our problems, but we keep looking and hoping.

Since I don't believe in miracles, I am putting my faith in the educators who keep looking. We can't give up the search; we can't stop trying new and different things. We need to look at all the alternatives, tweak them, mix them together, try to find what works.

Let's all try to make a miracle. Then I won't be a skeptic anymore.

Nothing

2011-02-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

' "Meaning." She nodded, as if to herself. "None of you has taught us any."
From Nothing, by Janne Teller

I have just finished a very thought provoking young adult novel entitled Nothing, written by Janne Teller. Basically, it is Lord of the Flies with an existential twist.

In the book, a 7th grade student decides that "Nothing matters. I have known that for a very long time. So nothing is worth doing. I just realized that."

I truly think many of our students feel this way about school and the assignments we are giving them.

Sometimes, I feel that way about school and the assignments I am giving them.

I became a teacher because I love kids and want to help them. But I am having a bit of an existential crisis myself these days. Why should all students have to learn how to write a narrative? Why should all kids have to study Shakespeare? Why should all kids have to learn Geometry?

Don't tell me because it improves the mind. I had that one thrown at me when I was in high school and pretty much refused to learn Geometry. Have I missed not understanding Geometry? Not at all. (Well, maybe a little bit, just when I am playing pool.)

I hate to keep harping on the Common Core Standards, but I will. We are going the wrong way with this thing. Education needs to be more individualized, not more standardized. By the time a kid gets to high school, we should be trying to plug into the student's interests, not shoving a square peg into a round hole.

Have you ever tried to shove a square peg into a round hole? It is just frustrating for the shover, and square peg's edges get all chewed up. Nothing worthwhile is ever accomplished.

Until we make education mean something, the kids aren't going to learn. Until we make our assignments meaningful, a lot of kids aren't going to do them.

And all we end up with is a bunch of nothing.

Will the Circle Be Unbroken?

2011-02-01T14:18:00.000-08:00

"Some refuse to see the learning possibility because they see it as a closed circle....we have to break that image." @phsprincipal

Everyone knows I really like Twitter. I learn so much from the people I follow. I get some great ideas.

However, there are times that it is very irritating.

There is a group of all-stars, a group of "cool" people, a group who all seem to know one another. In other words, there is a clique of educators on Twitter. And that clique is not especially open to new people.

I didn't go to EduCon - I don't even know exactly what it is. I read the tweets during EduCon and following EduCon, and it seems that this clique mentality was in full force. Only people with a lot of followers are worth talking to. Only people who get a lot of retweets are cool.

I hated cliques in high school, and I hate them still.

There are people at my school who don't see the value of Twitter because they have tweeted and no one has responded. They have written blog posts that nobody reads because the writer isn't one of the "cool" people. Therefore, these people have quit writing about education, and they really have some good and interesting things to say.

Some of the cool people can write a post about putting cream cheese on a bagel, and immediately, the rest of the clique will retweet it, ad nauseum, as The Great Revelation about Cream Cheese.

Here's my challenge. Throw away the lists of people who are good to follow. Instead, read some posts and tweets from people you don't already follow. Give the people not in the clique a chance.

Maybe you can learn something from someone who is lukewarm.

Not so savvy

2011-01-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

This post will not be a popular one, but since hardly anyone reads this blog, and since everyone seems to be doing something in Philadelphia, one of my children will probably be the only one who read it. Sometimes, it is good not to be a big hitter. :D

Our lunch conversation often swings to how kids just aren't as technologically savvy as administrators seem to think that they are.

Oh sure, they can text really fast. They can take pictures on their phones and send them to other people. They can use Facebook.

But when it comes to other technology, the kids are often more confused than we are.

Take Movie Maker (please TAKE Movie Maker, now that I have an iMac!). The kids don't like it. They complain about it. So, I tried to show them some alternatives. The only thing they really liked was Animoto, because Animoto does all the work for you. What is creative about that?

They want to make power points because they know how to make those. They've been doing that for years. They really aren't interested in learning some new way to present information.

Now, I know...if I get any comments, it will be of the variety..."my kids love technology and are so good at it". Well, I am happy for you. And I think elementary kids ARE all over learning new technology and think that it is cool. High school kids don't really think ANYTHING is cool, including technology.

I had an idea tonight. This doesn't happen that often, so I thought I'd better get it down fast. What if we took one day a week...Tech Tuesday, let's say...and in every freshman English class, actually take an entire class period just to show kids new technology? If a KID is really good at video producing, pull that kid out of all his classes that day and have him or her teach the other students. If one TEACHER is really good at a certain program, get a sub for that teacher and let him or her teach that class that day...or send the English teacher to that room to sub.

I think too often we throw some new program at kids and connect it with an assignment and say go to it. The kids get so bogged down with the program that all that higher level thinking that people keep talking about gets lost.

And if we had this Tech Tuesday thing, every instructor would have to prepare a handout to give the students. I hate in-services where I get a bunch of stuff thrown at me and no instructions I can go back to later. If I try to take notes, I am doing it so quickly that when I look at them later, I wonder what "file prn up scrn del" means.

I know when we had a professional development day where some teachers presented technology they had used in the classroom, everyone loved it. I think if the kids had time just to play with some of the stuff, with no grade or project attached, they might see the fun in a lot of it.

Oh well. Just throwing that out there into The Cloud!

Positively Speaking

2011-01-27T16:10:00.000-08:00

The Boss came back from Christmas break all hopped up about something he called Five by Friday (I think). I can't remember the exact name, but all it involves is making 5 positive contacts each week.

I didn't tell him, but I had to do this 30 years ago with my first teaching job. We had to keep a log and turn it in every Friday at the same time our lesson plans were due.

I did it back then, but not too cheerfully. I hate talking on the phone. I mean, I HATE talking on the phone. There was no e-mail back then, and our principal didn't want us to write notes.

Since then, I've had children, and I realize how wrong the principal was. Parents really love good things about their kids that they can put on the refrigerator.

So, today, I started thinking about my students and who I could write about. And I realized how incredibly lucky I am to have my particular teaching assignment.

I mostly teach English to kids with IEPs. They have me for 4 years. I REALLY get to know my kids. Truthfully, we become like a little family by the time they graduate.

I can think of one positive thing about every kid I have in my LD English classes. Now, for the freshmen, I had to think pretty hard, but I eventually did come up with one good attribute for every kid.

This year, I have also taught one section of General Ed English. Those classes are much larger, and I only have them for one semester. I don't know them all that well. It is easy to pick out the "stars", but with the kids who struggle, I don't have the time to get to know their personalities all that well. I am too busy trying to cover all the material I am supposed to cover.

I now know how truly great of an opportunity I have with my LD classes. We make such strong connections. Other teachers should envy me.

And I also realize that I need to make extra effort to really get to know the kids in the General Ed class. I hope that by the end of the semester I can think of one positive attribute for each of them, too.

I like the Five by Friday thing. Just don't make me call anyone.

It just ain't workin',but how do we fix it?

2011-01-21T22:14:00.000-08:00

I have been discussing writing with my juniors this week. I thought what we were discussing was review, because I know the other English teachers in the building have been teaching the same things each year.

Today, we discussed writing thesis statements. The kids all looked bored, like "yeah, yeah - we know all about this crap", so I was hopeful that they did.

I have just been reading their practice thesis statements. Wretched isn't too strong of a word for me to use to describe these. I think one or two kids showed some inkling of understanding what I had "reviewed".

So, obviously, whatever we are doing isn't getting through to the kids. Teaching writing has always frustrated me because, quite frankly, I didn't receive much training in it 33 years ago when I was in college. All of my English department colleagues are much younger than I am, so I was hopeful they could teach an old dog new tricks. However, after today, I'm not sure the new tricks are working too well.

The only thing is that I am pretty sure of is that best way to become a better writer is to write, write, write, and read, read, read. Then, after you read, you should write some more.

But, if we are required by the Common Core Standards to have students write lengthy papers of specific types, if we are required to teach them MLA format, if we are required to teach them connotative and figurative speech, grammar, and on and on and on...when exactly are the kids going to have the time to write and write and write and write? It seems like all their energies have to be focused more on format than on function.

And I love to write! Shouldn't writing be fun for our students? Are we fun suckers because we force them to write comparative/contrast, persuasive, narrative...following a strict format...instead of writing like I have here? I just let my writing flow. I don't know if I write thesis statement when I write!

If you are not a college-bound student, how much of this do you really need to know?

As you can tell, tonight I am filled with a lot of doubt about what I am doing. I don't have an answer. I keep reading different "experts" in the hopes that something will click with the kids.

Anyone else out there experiencing the same doubts about teaching writing?

Puff Mama

2011-01-15T18:07:00.000-08:00

When I first started teaching at my current school, an aide that worked with me started calling my Puff Mama, a variation of Puff Daddy, who was popular around that time. She called me that because I have a soft heart and will fall for a sob story if a kid is good enough at telling it.

I was pretty much a Puff Mama with my own children, too. I never thought that was an issue until tonight.

The son and his girlfriend went to dinner with me. We were talking about the Tiger Mother stuff that has been bouncing around on Twitter this week. (The son reads my tweets but never responds. He's one of those lurker types.)

I made a comment along the lines that I bet he was glad that I wasn't like that, and his response really surprised me.

Turns out my son wishes I had been more of a Tiger Mama - especially when it came to music lessons.

I gave both kids a chance to take piano lessons, and neither one of them seemed to like it. Neither one of them wanted to practice. Both of them threw fits when I tried to make them practice. I didn't like dealing with fits, so I gave up.

Both kids have commented that they wish I would have MADE them take lessons and MADE them practice.

This has made me reevaluate things.

I have always been a big one on kids finding their passions and going with what they love. I assumed music just wasn't my kids' passion. It wasn't when they were 8 or 9 years old, but if I would have pushed them harder, would it have become their passion? I'm not sure anymore!

My son says if he has kids, he will be very strict. He says my generation just screwed things up.

One thing for sure...I will definitely be a Puff Grandma!

How Do I Prioritize?

2011-01-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

I am so happy to be back at school and doing what I think I was kind of made to do, which is teaching.

But now, I am struggling with how to do it.

What should I be sure to cover with my kids? Their reading comprehension scores are below grade level. Their writing skills are weak. Some of them have no idea what they want to do when they graduate from high school. They have low self-esteem and don't like school.

I can't figure out what is most important to teach. The needs are so great that I feel like trying to cover everything would be so shallow that it would be pointless. However, I also know that if I spend too much time on any one area, I'll lose them.

Where do I start? Suggestions would be appreciated.

What Really Matters

2010-12-30T13:21:00.000-08:00

I read so many articles and blog posts on what matters in education and what we need to do to improve learning.

There are a lot of great ideas. Lots of things need to change.

But, I think the thing that really matters is that we let our students know we care about them. We let them know we care about them not as numbers on tests, or "things" that are mastering the common core standards. We let them know that we care about them as human beings. We care that their parents drink too much, or take meth. We care that they had to work until midnight the night before. We care that they didn't do their homework because of the chaos in their lives.

After all, isn't having people care what matters most of all to everyone?

It's Only Life, After All

2010-12-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

"The best thing you ever did for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously.
It's only life, after all."
- The Indigo Girls

The above lyrics are from one of my favorite songs, "Closer to Fine", sung by The Indigo Girls. The song is about our search for happiness and perfection, something that seems to take up a lot of our time.

Tonight, I saw the movie Black Swan, which was one of those confusing movies that leaves you saying "Huh?" once the lights come up. One thing I am certain of, the main character in this movie drove herself crazy trying to be perfect.

I think some of us do this as teachers. This drive for perfection, to do everything everyone demands of you, to be all things to everyone is not healthy. I am living proof of that.

This fall, it felt like more and more was being expected of me. I was teaching a regular ed class and my special ed classes. I was working with kids who were taking online classes. My special ed caseload kept growing and growing. New pressures were coming from my higher ups.

It was just too much.

I remember my boss stopping me in the hall one day and saying, "You need to take yourself less seriously". But at the time, I couldn't stop taking myself seriously. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to do everything everyone wanted me to do, and I wanted to do it flawlessly.

And I snapped.

Of course, it wasn't just this drive to be a perfect teacher that made me snap. There were other things that had been building up, piling on, drowning me. But I do now realize that wanting to be the perfect teacher was another one of those proverbial straws that broke the camel's back.

So, when I go back into the classroom, I am only going to worry about doing my best for my students. I am not going to beat myself up for making mistakes and having ideas flop. I am not going to try to impress the administration or other teachers.

I'm not perfect, but I love my students. I do the very best that I can do. And I can live with that.

Patching

2010-12-19T22:16:00.000-08:00

As everyone who knows me in real life knows, things haven't been too wonderful in my life lately.

I posted some time ago about feeling like there were holes in my life because I had lost my marriage, my parents, and my best friend. This fall, I think I started to feel like I had lost my kids because they are young adults now and are very independent.

All these holes, and being chemically predisposed to depression, just sent me into a tailspin. All these holes made the fabric of my life shred into something that I couldn't hold together any longer.

The past weeks have been spent trying to patch the fabric back together. It is a slow process. Some days, all the patching unravels again, and I feel like I am starting from the beginning. Other days, I feel like I am ready to try to live a normal life again, but it is scary. The unraveling is terrifying; the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. I don't want to go through it again.

I have learned that the thread that makes the patching the strongest is the kindness of other people. So many people have let me know that they still like me and think that I can be the good teacher that I was before this happened. Sometimes it isn't even something someone says. It is just someone willing to be silly with me online, or someone sending me a funny email, or someone being willing to play online games with me. Those things let me know that there are people that still believe I can patch things up and maybe not exactly be what I was before, but maybe something better. Maybe something stronger. Maybe something wiser.

When someone is recovering from an illness, we say that he or she is on the mend. I, too, am on the mend...mending the fabric of my life.

Thanks to my sub...

2010-12-07T20:40:00.000-08:00

I need to thank her for LOTS of things, but tonight, she sent me this. For some reason, I am seeing the truth in things that I used to think were sappy. Thanks, Judy!

The Mayonnaise Jar
When things in your life seem almost too much handle, when 24 Hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,

He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else - the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children;
take time to get pampered yourself;
take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and wash the windows.

'Take care of the golf balls first -
the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
Please share this with other "Golf Balls"

I just did.......

I don't know the author....if anyone does, let me know, and I will give credit where credit is due!

Don't Let Your Disability Define Who You Are

2010-12-01T21:57:00.000-08:00

I've been preaching this to my students for more than 8 years now...they are not "Learning Disabled" or ADHD or whatever...they are PEOPLE with a disability. My students sometimes feel that they are not as worthwhile as other people without disabilities. This, of course, could not be further from the truth. My kids are awesome: smart, talented, and wonderful people who may sometimes have trouble reading, or writing, or doing math problems, or staying focused. Their disabilities absolutely do not define who they are or what they can accomplish.

I was diagnosed with a disorder three weeks ago, one that I guess I have had for years but didn't know it. I have bipolar disorder. That sounds so scary and life changing! There is something about finding out there is something wrong with the chemical balance in your brain that is much worse than discovering you have a chemical imbalance somewhere else in your body. (Like the diabetes I tend to ignore!)

Since my diagnosis, I have been feeling like I will never be "normal" again. I have been afraid that this disorder will run my life.

However, tonight, I remembered what I have always told my students. Things may be more difficult for me, adjustments will have to be made in my life, I will have to take medications for the rest of my life and keep a close watch on my emotions, but my life will still be MY life. My disorder need not define who I am or what I
can accomplish.

Those of us who have to work harder for what others have with little effort can take pride in our strength, our resilience, and our determination. If my students fight their battles every day, so can I.

Everyone Can Be Replaced

2010-10-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

All people, young or old, like to feel valued, special, unique.

And yet, I have heard this phrase come out of more than one mouth: everyone can be replaced.

On one level, I can understand what this means. Yes, school is much like a machine, and teachers are nothing but cogs in the machine. If the cog in Room 14 would leave, a new cog could be found, with little trouble. The machine would still run.

This replacement will become easier and easier because of the way education is going. The cogs are all expected to run a certain way, and checklists are kept to make sure this happens. Each cog has a plan it is expected to follow. If a cog wears out, a new cog can be put in its place and be programmed to follow the same plan.

I don't like feeling like an easily replaced cog. I want to feel that the extra time and effort I put in my job are appreciated. My students like me, and that is what keeps me coming back. But I am feeling hurt and sad. The realization that I am viewed as nothing more than a replaceable element has demoralized me. I am starting to understand why other cogs just do the minimum to keep the machine going.

Maybe education was always like this, and I just didn't realize it. But somehow, I think this depersonalization of teachers is directly connected to the current trend in education to measure and standardize everything.

Can people really be standardized? Can everyone truly be replaced? Personality and soul don't matter anymore? I am sad for the future of education.

An Example of Loyalty

2010-10-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I took a little trip down Memory Lane by visiting the town where I spent the first 13 years of my life. I was surprised that I still remember where things are after 40 years, especially since I have trouble remembering where I put things on my desk.

As I drove by my old house, I was filled with memories of my parents and my childhood. I started thinking about what a huge thing my father did when he left this town.

Dad came to this town after his stint in WWII and finishing college. He taught elementary school, then became the principal of that school, then became Curriculum Director for the district, then became the principal of the first junior high in the area.

He worked with two different superintendents. I don't remember anything about the first one, and I don't know if he retired, or if he left for greener pastures. The second superintendent was brought in from "outside". He wasn't a local. And, in a small town, that immediately puts a person at a disadvantage.

Dad called this guy "Old Stone Face" around us, because this superintendent was aloof and inscrutable. He had an excellent poker face. This, too, put him at a disadvantage with the locals. However, I know Dad respected the man immensely.

I don't remember exactly what turned the townspeople totally against the superintendent and made the witch hunt begin, but I think it had something to do with sports. Whatever, I remember a school board election that was filled with candidates that vowed to get rid of the man. And, that side won.

Dad was furious. He tried to organize the other administrators into a team that would quit their jobs if the superintendent was fired. All except one agreed to tell the new board that they would be leaving if the superintendent was given the boot.

I remember the new president of the school board coming to our house and trying to talk Dad into staying. Dad would have, most likely, been the next superintendent. He had the credentials, he had the reputation, he had the skills.

But Dad was loyal. He knew that his boss was being railroaded, unfairly. He would not sit by and watch this happen.

Mom was so mad that she threatened to divorce him. She didn't want to leave. She wanted him to become the Big Boss.

So, here is my Dad, age 48, leaving the only town he had ever worked in, fighting his wife about it, quitting his job because of his principles. It never hit me until yesterday what an incredibly courageous thing this was for my father to do.

Only one other administrator followed Dad's example. Everyone else backed down. A new superintendent, a local guy, was put into place. The old superintendent never found another job in education.

Things turned out fine for Dad. One of his college friends was superintendent at a district in Indianapolis, and off we went. He was in the classroom for a few years, but ended back in administration. Dad made more money, and he was able to retire before he was 60. He was not a large town person, and I think living in Indianapolis was hard on him, but he survived.

This is just another example of why my Dad will always be my number one hero and the one person I will always try to emulate. I don't know if I would have the courage to do what he did, but I will always try to be loyal to the people who earn my loyalty.

Common Core Standards, Again

2010-10-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

Last week, I went to a meeting about common core standards. I was asked to go because I have been rather...um...vocal about these standards. Since I primarily teach students with learning disabilities, my concern has been what these standards will mean for my kids.

What I learned is that no one has quite figured out what these standards will mean to kids with IEPs. The assessment tool has not yet been determined. There is an addendum of sorts that has some very vague language about how kids with special needs will be assessed. So, my concerns remain intact. I still don't know exactly what these standards will mean to my students. I don't know how their progress will be judged.

I did come away from the meeting with some feeling of hope for the future. IF these standards are addressed from kindergarten on, I think kids will receive a more rigorous education. IF these standards are addressed and IF kids aren't allowed to move on until the standards are mastered to some degree, a high school diploma will really mean something again. However, I'm not sure those big "ifs" will become reality. I'm not sure if this is how we will go for a few years, then something different will pop up as the new fix.

I learned that the assessment portion of the puzzle won't be put into place for at least 4 years, so hopefully, the powers that be will answer my concerns. I will surely keep reading everything I can find on the subject until I get some answers!

First Year Horror Story

2010-10-19T15:13:00.000-07:00

One day during lunch last week, my wonderful lunch companions were discussing what they might do if they were ever physically assaulted by a student. This was all conjecture on their part. However, I have lived through a student assault, so I know exactly how I reacted.

It was my first year of teaching. I taught junior high in a building that was separate yet connected to the high school. One afternoon, before lunch, I went to visit the women's faculty restroom, which was off to itself, away from the classrooms.

I was surprised to discover two older girls in the faculty restroom smoking. I told them they needed to put out their cigarettes and leave the junior high. One of the girls became furious at this suggestion, kicked me so hard in the side that I crumpled to the floor, and proceeded to kick and punch me for what seemed to be hours.

I was yelling for help, but it was not until someone happened to be passing by that another adult came into the restroom. This teacher couldn't pull the girl off of me, so she found two men to do the job.(The girl's companion had left the area with the first kick.)

All I could do while the attack was occurring was to curl up into a ball and try to protect my face. I didn't want my teeth kicked in, which was a real danger.

I lived 25 miles from the school, so the principal drove me home. My husband came home from work and took me to the emergency room. I had a cracked rib, a black eye, and too many bruises to count. I couldn't stop shaking or crying.

This is the point in the story where the real fun begins. My husband wanted me to press charges against the girl. My principal had asked me not to do that. I called my dad, who was a principal, and he told me to do what my administrator asked me to do.

I was out for 4 days. The attacker was only suspended for 3. After the story got around about the attack, my union rep called me and said that they wanted to strike. I begged him not to do that. I was trying so hard to be a good soldier for the administration.

My principal was wonderful. However, the high school principal called me into his office and actually reprimanded me. He said I should have just let the girls smoke in peace. He asked me if anything so horrible had really happened to me. He was a total jerk, and I told him exactly what I thought of him.

In turn, he reported my "insubordination" to the superintendent. Since the two of them were good hunting buddies, my side of the story was not believed. I knew, when I left the superintendent's office, that I would not be staying long in teaching.

My principal begged me not to quit after my first year. She thought that the anger, feeling of betrayal, and fear would lessen if I stayed on one more year. I stayed for her, but I was a different teacher. I had little trust for anyone except her and the students in my classroom. I stayed in my classroom as much as possible. I couldn't get over what happened to me and how I was treated.

I found out that my attacker had physically assaulted teachers in the past. She had even kicked the principal who reprimanded me. I have wondered what happened to this girl. Obviously, she had some severe issues.

I tried a lot of different professions over the next 6 years, but every fall, my heart would long to be in a classroom. I loved teaching and had always wanted to be a teacher. I was just too scared to try again.

Once I had children, I stayed home with them until they were in school. I became an aide at their school, and I loved little kids. I decided to get a license in elementary ed and try again. Things didn't work out that way, and because of my divorce, I ended up in a high school, teaching English to kids with learning disabilities.

I never think about the attack when I am teaching or out in the hall. I have walked into the girls' restroom and smelled smoke, and that odor stirs bad memories. However, they are short lived. I think, after almost 30 years, I have gotten over my assault.

(If I was attacked again, I WOULD press charges. That makes one time that my ex-husband was right about something!)

A Woman Can Dream, Can't She?

2010-10-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

A perfect school ...what a dream. I've had so many ideas and thoughts about this for so long that if I wrote about them all, this post would be much too long.

The most important thing my dream school would do would show the students how what they are learning is relevant to their lives - either now or in the future. If the course isn't relevant to the student, the course content would be embedded in another subject that IS relevant to the student. Why couldn't a student learn math while cooking, sewing, building, or welding? Why couldn't a student learn how to read instructions in the same classes?

There would be no common core standards, because not every student needs to learn the same thing. There would be no standardized tests, because not everyone is learning the same thing. There would be no required seat time, because some students would be learning outside of the school walls.

There would be a lot of classes that are team taught - an English teacher, a history teacher, an art teacher and a music teacher would join forces to teach a period in history together with the literature, film, music, art of that period.

There would be a blend of delivery methods - online, in a classroom, hands on - and students could choose what type works the best for them.

Teachers, too, would be allowed to choose what type of professional development works best for them, and there would be financial rewards for those who choose to constantly try to learn and grow.

Ah well. I'll never teach in a school like this. The pendulum is swinging the wrong way. But I will keep ranting about what needs to change for my grandchildren's sake. Maybe, just maybe, they will receive a meaningful education.

There's Got to Be a Better Way

2010-10-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

I will be 53 next week. Yikes.

I don't have a Master's degree. Yikes.

The only way I can make any more money in my current position is to get an advanced degree.

This is corking me off for several reasons. First of all, I have a B.A. in English Education and an endorsement in Special Ed. I teach LD English most of my day. I really need to learn more about how to teach English to struggling students.

But, if I enter a Master's program in English, I will either have to read a bunch of crap that my kids would never read, or I will have to write a bunch of crap in a way that my kids would never write. Similarly, if I get a Master's in Special Ed, I will learn more about writing IEPs and Special Ed law and a bunch of crap that would probably make me want to shoot myself in the head.

The other option is getting a Master's in administration, which, apparently, is quite easy. :D

The thing is, I don't ever want to be an administrator. The very thought of that brings thoughts of the gun and my head again.

I think this is a huge plot of some sort. Why should I have to pay some university more than $10,000 to get some piece of paper that, in all likelihood, won't make me do my job one whit better? Why can't I be allowed to develop my own improvement program, submit it to my administrator, and be rewarded for that? Why does it have to be something that someone who doesn't know me or know what I do designs for me?

If I could design my own program, I'd take some courses in reading instruction. I'd take something on teaching writing. I'd take some technology courses. I'd take some more motivational psychology courses. And I'd love to learn more about scheduling.

As things stand, I probably won't go back to school. I am just too irritated to play the game. But I wish, with all the talk of educational reform and having great teachers, someone would address THIS issue!

All about Me?

2010-10-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

The son often accuses me of thinking that the whole world and everything that happens in it is connected to me. He does not mean this in a good way. He is pointing out that I imagine that I am so important that other people act in a certain way just because of my existence.

For example, if another staff member doesn't speak to me or seems aloof, I will automatically think that I have done something that has upset the person. I will go home and dwell on this. I will build the situation up in my own little mind until I am miserable. Then, 9 times out of 10, the staff member was not thinking of me at all. Something else was on the person's mind.

This is a strange kind of conceit, but I have come to recognize that it is indeed conceit.

I have written quite a bit on Twitter and here on my doubts about my teaching ability. For most of my day, I teach kids who struggle with reading and/or written language. I have most of my students for 4 years. And, by the time they are seniors, I don't really see the kind of growth I would hope to see. This makes me really doubt my effectiveness as an educator.

Today though, one class really made me think that I might be okay. A discussion started on our class and the things we do. The kids were so positive! And, a number of them said that I always stop and explain things when they don't understand. That made me feel good, too.

So, I am wondering...does my conceit, my feeling that I have control over everything and everyone...make me blame myself for things that might not be connected to my teaching?

This isn't to say I will ever be so confident that I won't try to improve, and I know that I will always hope that my students will read and write close to grade level after 4 years of being in my class.

But maybe, just maybe, it isn't time for the old woman to give up on being the one thing she always wanted to be...a good teacher.

Rigor - Relevance = Nothing

2010-10-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

A common complaint I hear a lot from fellow teachers is that kids won't complete assignments, don't try on projects, don't seem to listen or care about what is being taught, etc. This is always followed by, "What are they going to do when they have jobs? Just not do whatever the boss asks?"

This logic is rather flawed. A job has relevance because it gives one a paycheck. For a lot of kids, school isn't giving them a paycheck. Kids who have no desire or inclination to go to college don't see any reason to learn how to solve a Geometry proof, how to differentiate between a gerund and a participial, how to figure velocity, remember when the Korean War was fought, or learn much of anything else we throw at them on a daily basis.

The "experts" reaction to this lack of interest is to increase the rigor by introducing and adopting the common core standards. Again, the logic is flawed. Kids didn't see the relevance of what they were doing, so let's make things even harder...not different, just harder.

I'm not sure there is a correlation between not doing your grammar homework and being a poor employee. I hated Geometry, never did any of my homework, and was given a D- because my father was an administrator. However, I think I am one of the hardest working teachers at our school. I just didn't see the point of Geometry.

There will always be that group of students who will jump through whatever hoops are put before them. But I think the number of students who won't jump is growing, and I think that might explain the increasing drop-out rate. We have to figure out how to either teach things that are relevant to this group of students, or learn how to make the things we already teach become important to them.

This is a gargantuan task, but one I think must be addressed before there can be any meaningful educational reform.

Great Things at PCHS

2010-10-01T17:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I was thinking about all the negative things I've been hearing and reading about teachers and schools this week. I started thinking about all the really good teachers and programs we have at my school, and I started to get just a little bit angry (well, actually - I got really mad!) about all the bad press.

At my small school (around 650 students), we offer several wonderful things, including:

1. AP classes that offer a chance to earn college credit
2. Dual credit classes that also offer a chance to earn college credit
3. An excellent vocational program for students with IEPs
4. A child day care program that offers students a chance to gain valuable real-life experience
5. The opportunity to perform in well-directed plays and musicals
6. A library staffed by a librarian who reads and knows YA literature and chooses books kids want to read
7. A Health Occupations class that offers students an opportunity to work in a hospital and earn a CNA license
8. An administrator who supports and encourages the use of all technology
9. Smart Boards in many classrooms, with teachers who have been trained to use them correctly
10. A good staff, the majority of whom will try new things and who care deeply about the students

There is always room for improvement, no matter what the school or what the job, but I am proud of Paris Cooperative High School and honored to be on its staff. I am in excellent company!

My Educational Philosophy

2010-09-28T17:14:00.000-07:00

I've never really articulated my educational philosophy before, except maybe in a job interview, and then, I probably only said what I thought I should say.

I'm not a very intellectual person, and I sure don't think I am a great educator. I try as hard as I can, but as I've said before, I'm no Mr. Chips. I don't even think I'm Mr. Kotter.

However, everything I've been reading in the past few months has made me ponder what I really want to accomplish with my students. And I always go back to my first and most important job - being a mother - and start thinking like a mom instead of an educator.

When my children started school, I didn't have lofty goals like "I want my children to be critical thinkers". Or, "I want my child to be a lifelong learner". My desires were simple. I wanted my kids to find something they loved to do and learn how to do it. I wanted them to learn enough about history to not make the same mistakes prior generations made. I wanted them to learn about government so they would be responsible citizens and vote with intelligence. I wanted them to learn that there was more to the world than Indiana or Ohio, and that other people's viewpoints have to be respected.

I wanted my children to always try their best but not feel like failures if some things were too difficult. I wanted my children to learn to be hard workers, accept responsibility, and respect authority, but not blindly. I wanted my children to learn to work with others, but also to be able to work and live independently. I wanted my children to learn to be kind to others, but not to be doormats.

I didn't expect the school to teach my children all these things. I expected the school to help me, to be my partner in raising good citizens.

So, my goals for my students are the same ones I had for my own children. I want my students to find something they love to do, and then I want them to have the tools to do it. I want them to be good, honest, respectable citizens with a good work ethic. I want them to feel good about themselves at least 70% of the time. (100% would be great, but are any of us happy with ourselves 100% of the time?)

My goals are so simple. The common core standards don't address them. The current debate on education doesn't address them. This fills me with self-doubt and concern.

Are my dreams for my students just sentimental nonsense?

Book Banning

2010-09-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

I must preface this post by saying all views expressed are my own - I am not representing my school or its views.

I hate book banning. In my opinion, no one else has the right to tell me what to read, and no parent has the right to determine what other children will read. Period. No exceptions.

I had never read the book Speak until this week. I read it because some pinhead, someplace, wants to ban it. It is a wonderful book. I would love to use it in my classroom. However, I won't, because I have been burnt before with the book banning thing.

I used to have my sophomore LD English class read Flowers for Algernon. This is a pretty old book, so many of you may not have heard of it. The movie Charly was based on the novel. It is the story of a retarded man who is used as a guinea pig in an experiment to increase intelligence. The experiment works, for a while, then at the end, Charly goes back to what he was at the beginning.

I had to stop teaching the book midstream. A parent objected the portions of the book where Charly has sex. The sex scenes are in no way graphic. There is the mention of bra being unhooked. That is pretty much it.

The parent also thought it was inappropriate that I would have students with learning disabilities read this book. Other teachers and adults echoed this sentiment. This baffled me even more than the sex thing. Why was it bad for my students to read about how people with mental retardation are treated poorly? Why was it bad for my students to read about a totally admirable character with a handicap more severe than their own? What great sin had I committed? Was it wrong to talk about and read about disabilities with students who have them?

I didn't have tenure. As I have posted before, I had to have my job. The only person who was in my corner was my boss, and he was getting heat for supporting me. (By the way, I will NEVER forget that he backed me up, and I'll be in HIS corner forever!) The thing was - I didn't buy this book. It was in the book room. Somebody else had chosen it, ordered it, been given permission to teach it - but I was the one who took all the heat for daring to use it - with a group of students who had disabilities.

The experience left a bitter taste in my mouth. I am not a particularly forgiving or forgetting type person, so I have little use for those who back-stabbed me during that episode. I am VERY careful what books I use in my classroom. I would love to use more Young Adult books, but the ones that my students would really enjoy reading have inappropriate language or sexual content. I'll never go anywhere near something like that again.

Because now, now that I am older and have some money in my bank account, I would fight anyone tooth and nail who tried to make me stop using a book that I had chosen for my students to read. And when I leave my job, I'd like for it to be of my own volition...not because some book banner forced me out.

The Franklin Gene meets Social Media

2010-09-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

My family has joked about the "Franklin gene" for years. This gene, apparently a dominant one, causes one to not like most people. It causes one to strongly desire staying away from others, except immediate family members. This gene also causes one to view most of mankind as a clump of incompetent pinheads who are not to be trusted.

I am a bit of a genealogy nut, and after seeing the beautiful but almost completely unpopulated area of Lawrence County, Indiana where my great-great grandfather chose to settle, I decided that the gene started at least with him. (Perhaps it goes back even earlier, but I can't trace my roots back any deeper.)

This gene affects family members differently. We explain these variances on the "Taylor gene", which comes from my mother's side. The Taylors were much more extroverted, friendly, and able to tolerate others. The Taylor gene is what allows me enjoy my students, but the Franklin gene makes sure I don't live in the same town as they do. The Taylor gene makes me want to live in a city, but the Franklin gene makes me not want to live too close to my neighbors. The Taylor gene makes me want to be invited to be part of a group, but the Franklin gene makes me want to be left alone.

In other words, we are one messed up clan.

I am a real dichotomy when it comes to social media. Due to the Franklin gene, I should hate social media. I don't. At all.

I first discovered social media when I went through my divorce. No one in my real life had ever been divorced. No one understood what I was going through. No one seemed to care. I stumbled on a discussion board that talked about nothing but divorce. I connected with some of those people, and they truly became my lifeline at that time of my life. I still stay in touch with some of them on Facebook.

Twitter, specifically #edchat, is now becoming an important part of my life. I am starting to question if it is becoming TOO important. I find that I enjoy "listening" to people on Twitter more than I enjoy interacting with real life staff members. I read blog posts from people and wish I worked with them instead of some of the people I really do work with. I can vent on Twitter or on my blog and not be accused of being "negative" and "a whiner". People on #edchat seem to "get it" more than real life people.

The depths of my desire not to deal with "real life" people hit me hard today. Our curriculum director e-mailed us about a conference in November. I really want to go to the conference. However, I absolutely will not share a room with someone. I snore. God knows what else I do in my sleep. Do I want my roommate to let everyone on the staff know what a fat old woman does in her sleep? No way. And if I don't have at least 6 hours away from other humans, I might just snap. I've offered to pay for my own room, but I don't know if I will be allowed to do so. And if I'm not, I won't go to the conference. (I want to drive myself, too. I REALLY snore when I sleep in the car!)

I think social media is a great thing for people like me, but I wonder, are Twitter and Facebook allowing me to cut myself off from real people? Is this a healthy thing?

Things Are Getting Hard to Swallow

2010-09-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

This year is just not going well for me. There are things sticking in my craw, and the lump just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Either I am going to choke to death or painfully swallow it. Right now, I’m not sure which will happen.

I can’t stand the common core standards. Whose brilliant idea is it that one size fits all? I thought we were getting away from that nonsense. And these standards might as well be written in Greek as far as I’m concerned. What a bunch of hogwash.

If one more person tells me to “raise the bar” for my kids, I am either going to a bar every night, or else I am going to start pounding these people over the head with a bar. One or the other; again, right now, I’m not sure which will happen. Kids whose skills are at a 3rd/4th grade level cannot reasonably be expected to meet 9-12 grade standards. I guess the key word is “reasonably”. It seems that there are no more reasonable people in power anymore.

I would love for all those who tell me to “raise the bar” to be in my room when I hand out the Prairie State scores. I would love for them to see the hurt and shame on my kids’ faces when they see all the “academic warnings” and “below standards”. I am so tempted to just throw the damn scores in the trash and not hand them out. I hate them. I hate how they make my kids feel. And this common core standards crap is only going to make matters worse.

And now, let me go on to “best practices”. Again, here we are, looking at education with a “one size fits all” approach. This is just so clear to me: good teaching can’t be measured on a checklist or a spreadsheet. A checklist won’t show how much a teacher cares about the students. A checklist won’t show how many times a teacher’s kindness is the only kindness a kid receives the entire day. A checklist has no heart, and in my mind, teaching is 90% about heart.

I wish I could not care what my administrators think about me, but my parents raised me the wrong way. I know, in my soul, that I do everything in my power to do what is right for my students, and that should be all that matters. Checklists, spreadsheets, evaluations - I wish I could say I just don’t care. But I do. I was raised to respect my bosses and try to always do what they expect of me. But it is just getting harder and harder…

I am really feeling the “us vs. them” thing with administration thing this year - more than I ever have. Most of this feeling, for me, is caused by the standards. I can’t buy into it. I can’t even PRETEND to buy into it, because I am so sure that we are going the wrong way.

I am upset that there are teachers I really respect and admire who are feeling like they are no longer wanted in the building. The SYSTEM is broken, but the STAFF isn’t. There are only a handful - a pygmy’s handful - of teachers who don’t do a good job at our school. Old ways are not necessarily bad ways. Like I have posted before, I think my grandparents and parents got a heck of a lot better education than kids do today. (I am pretty sure this is because my elders had to learn the basics before they went on to the frills, but that is another post…)

So, I’m sitting here, feeling that lump in my throat. Is it time for me to get out of education? I have the feeling that moving to another school would not help a thing. We are in the era of measurement, and this will be the same no matter where I would teach. I am well cognizant of the fact that my administration isn’t implementing these changes just to “be mean”. This is the way education is going.

I just wonder - how long before someone in power figures out we are going the wrong way?

Dreaming

2010-09-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

The daughter is home this weekend, and we just had a long, long talk about future plans.

As I have posted, probably too many times, I don't like where I am living. I am a city person, and this town is just way too small for me. I miss living within spitting range of a fairly large city.

Thank goodness, the daughter feels the same way. She wants to raise her children in an area like her brother spent his first 10 years - close to a city with a good zoo, good museums, theaters, and...a Target. (That is important for ME!) Stephen did some really neat things because we lived close to Columbus, Ohio. Erin did squat all because we lived in Terrible Haute.

So now I am dreaming of what kind of place I want to live. Obviously, it has to be near a city of substantial size (but not Cleveland, because Cleveland just sucks.) It can't be on either coast because I couldn't afford to live there. I'd like it to be pretty. I'd like to be within a few hours of an ocean, but that is just wild dreaming there.

And my next house - oh, let me dream a while about that. My favorite house ever was a little Craftsman style bungalow. Oddly enough, it was the least expensive house I ever lived in, too. It was so cute and charming! One of the best things about that house was the walking. I could walk for miles - ON SIDEWALKS. I could go in a lot of different directions. I loved walking there. The last 3 houses I've lived in have just not been in good areas for walking. They've been in neighborhoods that are too rural. I don't like looking at cornfields when I walk; I like nibbing at other people's houses! So, I want an older house, in a residential area. I want a smaller yard, because the one I have now is just wearing me out, but I don't want a yard that is too small. I still want to plant my flowers and have room for a dog or two. I want to live on a quiet, tree-lined street.

The Grand Move is a few years off. The daughter has to finish school and find a job. Then, I want her to live a year in her area of choice before I take off, because this WILL be my final move until they put me in The Home. I'll have to get licensed in whatever state we will live in. I will have to find a job, and I will be a really old biddy by then. Maybe no one will hire me to be a teacher. Maybe I will have to try something else. I'll have to sell this house. So many adventures to look forward to! So many things to blog about...

But I am 90% positive that I'll be leaving. And that dream just really seems sweet right now!

I Hope this Student Can Teach ME

2010-09-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

My religious faith has been a touch and go thing since I hit my teenage years. I kept reading the Bible and thinking parts of it were just too far-fetched to possibly be true. Then I read Eastern philosophy and decided I wanted to be a Taoist. That lasted for a few months, then I reverted back to my state of nothingness.

That changed when the son became very ill when he was 5 years old. He had to have surgery to remove a suspicious lump, and the projected one hour surgery went on and on and on. At the three hour mark, I found the chapel, got on my knees, and told God that if he let Stephen live, I would serve Him with all my heart.

Stephen lived, and I was baptized at 34. I went to church every Sunday. I taught Sunday School. I organized Bible School in the summer. I tried very hard to keep my end of the bargain.

This all changed when the ex left. I listened to my daughter cry, night after night, for her father, and I heard her pray for him to come home. He didn't. My daughter did not deserve this pain. And it seemed, and still seems to this day, that the people who caused my innocent baby such agony weren't suffering at all. Instead, the ex and the "other woman" prospered. The fact that the other woman had her first marriage annulled because she was such a "good Catholic" that she HAD to take communion was the final straw. I was done with God and religion.

This has bothered several people, and they have tried to "convert" me. I cannot stand this. Telling me that I just can't understand the reasons why God let my family be destroyed makes me want to punch someone in the nose. The quickest way to make me leave the area is to preach at me.

Then along comes this student. Her mother died, tragically and suddenly, just a few years ago. This student and I have formed a bond. I really love her. She is just an awesome girl - intelligent, sensitive, kind.

And this girl wants to become a minister.

After the horrible thing that happened to her, she wants to devote her life to God. Her father is a non-believer, and her number one goal in life is to lead him to God.

She has never preached at me. She doesn't know about my lack of faith. But when I see how this girl's faith sustains her and gives her strength, I am amazed. And I want to find that for myself. I am 52, and I cry almost daily because I miss my parents so much. She is 18 and so much stronger than I am.

I keep watching her and try to learn from her. I think this could be the most important lesson of my life...if I just allow myself to learn it.

Mid-life Crisis

2010-09-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

I am definitely having some issues about my job, my life, my mere existence right now. I'll call it a mid-life crisis, even though I think I am well past the mid-point. At least I sure hope I am! Living to be 106 doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me.

I won't bore everyone with my life problems. Well, at least, I won't bore you TOO much. Suffice it to say that I have now lived in Terrible Haute, Indiana longer than I have lived anywhere since I was a little girl, and I don't really like it any better than when I moved here. It is home to the daughter (naturally, she's lived here since she was 5 years old!), and I am pretty sure she will live here forever if she has the choice. If I want to stay near her, I am trapped, and I don't like the feeling! I've traveled enough and lived in enough different places to know that I am not living in a great place. So, I am fighting with myself about staying. (Damn my ex for moving us to the worse place we ever lived, and then leaving me there!)

It is my feelings about my job that really surprise and worry me. I still like what I do, I still love my students, but I wake up every day feeling, "Is this all there is?".

There are no real promotions in teaching if you just want to stay a teacher. I can't even become a department head because there is no Special Ed department head at my school.

I don't think I could ever get hired as an administrator in my district, even if I had the credentials to apply for such a position. No one really takes me seriously. This is my fault. I joke around a lot. I've lost my temper in a big way a couple of times. Last year, during my evaluation, my principal asked me if I had always been such a "thoughtful teacher". I've been a thoughtful teacher since my first teaching job over 30 years ago. The fact that he didn't realize this told me that the way I am perceived at my school is not what I really am underneath. This is not a good thing.

I've been in this funk since I was told that an aide at our school thinks I am a rotten teacher. This woman has never been in my classroom. She has never seen my lesson plans. She has never seen me interact with students. Therefore, whatever information she has is information she has gleaned from other staff members. And this hurts.

So, I feel like I am sitting on the edge of some decision. I am going to be 53, and it may be too late for me to move somewhere else and start over. I'm not sure it is worth the money to go back to graduate school, and I'm not sure what I should study if I would go.

All I know is that I am feeling consumed with doubt and a desire for a change, and it is not a comfortable feeling.

Not Exactly Family

2010-09-12T19:21:00.000-07:00

There is an absolutely wonderful administrator somewhere in Canada named George Couros. (I say "somewhere in Canada" because Canada confuses me, and I don't know where any place is up there. I've been to Toronto and Niagara Falls, but I'm still not exactly sure where they are on the map.) Anyway, George Couros writes absolutely wonderful posts on a regular basis.(If you don't follow him, you should!) This was one from last week: http://georgecouros.ca/blog/archives/1135

I tweeted Mr. Couros after I read this post, telling him that he was lucky, and that I wish my school felt more like a family.

Maybe I wish this because I am now orphaned, divorced, and almost empty-nested. (The son is still here, but he works nights, so we pass only briefly in the mornings, which is not my prime time of day, and he, of course, is exhausted, so our exchanges now usually consist of sub-human grunts.) My only brother is a couple of hours away, my niece and nephew are in Ohio - so I am kind of short of family members right now.

Not too many of my fellow staff members seem interested in relating as anything but co-workers. Our vice-principal gave a great before school party, and only a handful of people showed up. We don't even have a planned Christmas party. If someone decides to throw a shindig around that time, it might happen. We don't know when anyone's birthday is because no one puts out a list.

The one effort that is made to bring staff together are pitch-in lunches, and I don't cook. (One can only bring a bag of chips or napkins so many times!)

I do think that the English Department (which I am a token member of, kind of...) comes the closest to having the family feeling. We have "game night" a couple times a year, and those are really fun times. Lunch is also always fun with this group.

Is the problem that our staff of 50 or so is too large to cultivate the "family feeling" thing?

I'm asking my PLN for comments, because I am really curious. How many of you feel close and connected to the majority of your fellow staff members, and how do you cultivate that feeling?

But I WANT a Principal!

2010-09-11T00:37:00.000-07:00

There seems to have been quite a few tweets this week on #edchat concerning teachers becoming the new principals at some schools. (Here is an example, from Edudemic: http://edudemic.com/2010/09/why-teachers-are-the-new-principals/ .)

I absolutely hate this idea.

I like having someone in charge that I respect. I like having an arbitrator around who can settle disputes between teachers. I like having someone that I actually consider knowledgeable offer me suggestions and ideas. Even though my boss is much younger than I am, I almost look up to him like a father figure. I go to him for guidance, support, and sometimes even absolution.

A panel of teachers doing this job seems terribly inefficient to me. And does anyone remember that old saying, "Too many chiefs and not enough Indians?" (Oops, probably politically incorrect nowadays!)

I feel sorry for teachers that have crappy bosses. I have never been in that situation, so I don't know what that would be like.

But instead of thinking we should get rid of all administrators, why don't we just get rid of the bad ones?

Why I Stayed

2010-09-04T20:16:00.000-07:00

Things are really nice at my school now, but man, my first year was horrible.

First of all, I knew that I wasn't the first choice to be hired. I had just gone through a horrible divorce, and my ex-husband had told me that nobody would hire me because of my weight. So, when I was told there was only one opening, and someone else was getting that job, but if there was another opening, I might get a call, I figured he was probably right. Then when I met the first choice and saw she wasn't exactly thin herself, I figured I must have come off like a total pinhead in the interview. My self-confidence went to below zero.

I was given the assignment of teaching self-contained Biology, Earth Science, and Health. I was an English teacher before I got my Special Ed endorsement. I don't like science. I especially don't like Earth Science. But hey, I had a job, and I was so grateful! Child support, especially in Indiana, does not sustain a family of 3.

Our school at that time was running a block schedule. Some people love block schedule. It was a living hell for me. On the B days, I had 3 resource study halls that were so large they had to be held in a different classroom. 83 minutes with over 26 kids who had no homework, most of whom had behavior issues, was not a good thing. In fact, it was a terrible thing. I did it 3 times a day on B days. I cried myself to sleep most B nights.

No one was friendly to me. I ate lunch alone. I sat alone at staff meetings. I tried to eat in the lounge, and a teacher told me she didn't want to eat with me. (No kidding.) I had a flat tire one night, and no one helped me.

Add to all of this is the panic that I felt doing Special Ed paperwork. My few classes in Special Ed had no way prepared me for what I had to do. There was no one to ask. The person who was hired before me turned out not to know any more than I did, so I couldn't ask her. I scoured the internet for help and instructions. I poured over every student file, trying to figure out what others had done before me. I was sent to in-services, but I was so ignorant that I didn't really understand what I was being told, and I was too scared to admit it. I HAD to have this job.

When spring came around and I was offered a contract, I was torn. Yes, I had to have this job, but I was so very, very unhappy. Should I gamble and try to move on? I could earn more money elsewhere, but would anyone hire me? (My ex-husband's words will always ring in my ears.)

Right around this time, one of my Biology students gave me a gift. This boy was from such a poor family that money was practically non-existent. His mother had abandoned him, and he lived with his grandmother, grandfather, and aunt. All had health issues. He struggled mightily with his schoolwork, but he tried as hard as he could.

The boy handed me a Wal-mart bag. In it was a white stuffed bear. He grinned and told me I could name it George after George Clooney. (ALL my students know that I love George Clooney!)

And so George made me stay another year. I decided that I had to stay until this boy graduated. And what has happened is that there has always been at least one kid, sometimes more, who makes me say to myself, "Well, I need to stay until he/she graduates."

Now I really like my job. I teach English. I really like most of the staff. Lunch is like a party everyday - we have so much fun!

But the thing that really keeps me where I am is the kids.

I Gotta Be Me

2010-09-02T15:38:00.000-07:00

I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day on Monday.

I am teaching a "regular" ed class for the first time in...wow...26??...years. I worried about this class most of the summer and wondered if I would be able to handle it. I have been teaching self-contained English for LD students for the past....wow....9??....years. These are small classes, and I tend to have the same kids for all four years. We become like a family by the time the kids are seniors. We joke around with one another, and things are pretty easy-going.

I thought I had to act differently with the "regular" ed class, so I came in being more serious, strict, and probably unfriendly. The kids didn't seem to like this form of Ms. Franklin. I hadn't had discipline issues since my first year of teaching, but on Monday, it sure felt like I was losing control of that regular ed class.

I relaxed a little on Tuesday, and things went better. So, each day this week, I have been acting more like myself and less like "Ms. Serious". And the kids are responding to the "real" me much more positively than they did to the teacher I was portraying.

I guess the bottom line is that kids have really good b.s. detectors. If you try to act like something you're not, they can sense it. It always pays just to be yourself.

(Unless, of course, you are a crabby, fusty old pooper!)

Too Accommodating?

2010-08-29T13:32:00.000-07:00

I am a Special Ed teacher. All the kids on my caseload have been diagnosed as having low-level disabilities - mainly Specific Learning Disabilities. Some have been diagnosed with ADHD.

It would be a whole other post for me to discuss how many of these students I feel truly have a disability and why I think some of them have been placed in my self-contained English class. I'll save that one for a time when I am in a really feisty mood. Right now, I would direct you to this article, which pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject. http://bigthink.com/ideas/22915

(I know absolutely nothing about school funding, so I have no opinion on that. However, I am quite confused by the high number of students who are now identified as having SLD. Something seems kind of rotten in Denmark...hopefully RtI will fix this!)

Today's post is on accommodations that are given to these students with low-level disabilities. If you are not a Special Ed teacher, or if you are not a Special Ed teacher where I toil, let me explain how the system works. Every three years, the student has to be re-evaluated. The school psychologist (who has never been a teacher, of course) presents the case manager (that would be me) with data. The IEP team then sits together, and we come up with the IEP.

Sounds lovely, but the problem is - the school psychologist has definite ideas what the student needs in the way of accommodations. Now, I may know the student much better. I know that if the student is given the accommodation "class notes will be provided", the student will sit in class and goof off while other students are taking notes. The student won't even TRY to take notes. How is this going to make the student progress? It isn't.

But the parents are sitting there. And if I argue that I don't think their child needs that particular accommodation, or maybe their child should TRY to take notes and be given a copy if he or she REALLY can't, the parents aren't going to like it. They want their child to have EVERY accommodation possible. They want their child to succeed. They don't want their child to be frustrated by note-taking.

So, next year we have another IEP meeting. No school psychologist is in sight, so I might try to change the accommodations to ones that I feel will make the student grow and learn to deal with whatever disability he or she might have. But the parents still want their kid to have ALL the accommodations. And who can blame them? All parents want their children to receive all the help that is possible.

So now, the student is a senior. Maybe this student wants to go to college. And, at some colleges, a note-taker can be provided.

But what if the kid doesn't go to college? And what will the college kid do AFTER college? I don't think there is one employer in the world who will provide a note-taker while he or she is giving instructions to an employee.

What employer will give extra time to complete assignments? What employer will read instructions to the employee? What employer will allow the employee to complete tasks in an alternate setting?

By the time these students are seniors, should they have any accommodations at all? Shouldn't we really be trying to prepare them to go out into the real world knowing how to deal with their disabilities?

And before people think I am just mean, I have a son with a speech impediment. He stutters. He gets no accommodations from anyone because he is 23 years old. He has had to learn to deal with his disability.

Someone isn't going to be "leveling the playing field" forever. Isn't teaching kids advocacy and self-determination the best way to prepare them for their futures?

Making it Relevant

2010-08-25T21:00:00.001-07:00

Last night was my school's Open House. I didn't see too many parents, but I spent quite a bit of time with one of my students.

This boy is very bright but has never tried at school. I've been fighting with him for 4 years - trying to light a fire under him. Nothing has seemed to work with him. He likes me, but he hasn't liked me enough to listen to me when I nagged at him.

He seems different this year. He has been talking to me about his homework. He listens in my class. He is paying attention.

Last night, he told me that he is a "changed man". When I asked him why, he told me this:

"I never knew what I wanted to do. Now I have a plan."

I still don't think this boy's classes themselves, except for the ones directly connected to his "plan", really excite him. But now, he sees that he has to pass ALL his classes in order to fulfill his dream.

And the way he learned what he wanted to do? He is in a work program at our school.

Wouldn't it be nice if all seniors could be job shadowing or interning or actually working somewhere so they could all have a plan? Some of those who THINK they have a plan might find out that they need a new one, too.

When I was in high school, I was in a club called Medical Explorers because I thought I might want to be a nurse. We made enough field trips that I learned that I couldn't handle the smells connected to that job. Our kids don't get to go on field trips. There is no money in the budget for them.

I don't have the answers. I just know that for a large group of our students, school doesn't mean much. They don't see the point. They aren't enthralled with our subject area, and they aren't willing to jump through the hoops to make us and their parents happy.

Somehow, we have to help our kids find the dream and see what they need to do to chase it.

A Great Idea for Professional Development

2010-08-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, I watched my fellow staff members demonstrate some of their expertise with technology. It was a great way to spend over two hours!

My boss, Dave Meister, (@phsprincipal, for all you Twitter fans) asked all the staff members who had attended training this summer to show what they had learned. It was not mandatory to do so, but so many of us signed up that we have to continue the show tomorrow.

It was wonderful seeing people of all different levels of technology expertise sharing their ideas and knowledge. It was fun seeing how some of the staff injected humor into their presentations. I picked up several new ideas, but the best thing of all is that I came away from this afternoon with a new appreciation of the people with whom I work. What a dedicated group!

I wasn't going to do a presentation because I don't feel like a real expert on any particular area of technology. However, I decided to give it a whirl, and I think my presentation went pretty well. Hey - I actually know something techie that other people didn't know! I am feeling pretty good about myself right now, too!

A big THANK YOU to my boss for trying this. I think it was a resounding success!

What Being Fat Has Done to My Life

2010-08-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

I am sure that there are some people who think I shouldn't "put myself down" by calling myself fat. Personally, I prefer fat to morbidly obese, which is the term my doctor likes to use.

I haven't always been fat. I have always loved to eat, but before I had kids, I exercised enough to not get fat. I played racquetball, did aerobics, did weight training, and walked. I liked all those things, so exercise was not a burden.

I used my first pregnancy as an excuse to eat for two people, and that is when my problems began. I gained 68 pounds with my son, and even though he is now 23 years old, I am still packing that baby weight, plus the baby weight I put on with my daughter.

When I had my son, my husband was on the road 5 days a week. I didn't know anyone who could watch my son while I exercised. We were house rich and money poor because I had quit my job to stay home, so paying someone to watch Stephen was not going to happen. I couldn't afford to join a gym. I did walk with him in his stroller almost every day, but that wasn't enough to counteract the calories I was ingesting.

Diabetes is heredity, but if you keep yourself fit, you might be able to bite the bullet. I didn't. I was diagnosed at 40.

I have never followed the diet or done what the doctor wants me to do. My dad didn't, either. He died from diabetic complications when he was 84. It was not an easy death. He was diagnosed when he was 52. I "caught" it 12 years before he did. If I keep going the way I am going, the doctor thinks I will die before I am 70.

I can barely walk now. I have developed plantar fasciitis...both from having flat feet and being fat. I like to walk. I miss walking. I am going to a podiatrist soon, but I know what he or she will say. Lose weight.

My husband didn't like fat women. I knew he didn't like fat women, but I was stubborn and thought if he REALLY loved me, it shouldn't matter. It mattered enough to him for him to walk out of a 23 year marriage and leave two kids behind. Being fat cost me my marriage and broke up my family.

I can't buy life insurance. No one will insure me. I can't buy long term care insurance. I am too great of a risk. I'm scared that I will have to buy two seats if I ever fly. Every time a waitress leads me to a booth in a restaurant, I hope I fit. I DON'T fit in any of the student desks at school. When there are meetings in a classroom, I have to find somewhere "special" to sit.

My doctor wants me to get gastric by-pass surgery because it is so effective for diabetics. However, I am terrified of surgery. I hate hospitals. I don't like pain.

So, Monday, I start Nutri-System D. Again. I have the willpower of a piss ant, so I am not at all confident I can do this, even though I know that if I don't do something, I will die before I should. My kids are worried. My kids shouldn't be worrying about their mother. It is supposed to go the other way.

So, wish me luck. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I need all the positive vibes that I can get!

Common Core Standards & Special Ed

2010-08-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

I became "passionate" in an English department meeting today. We were discussing common core standards, which Illinois has adopted for state standards.

Any teacher who keeps up on what is happening in education realizes that these standards will eventually be tied to some bogus standardized test, which will then be tied to how much we get paid.

I am a Special Ed teacher. I teach self-contained English. My students come to me, in ninth grade, reading at a 3rd-4th grade level. Their writing skills are basically non-existent. The concept of a paragraph is a total enigma. Spelling skills hover at the 2nd-3rd grade level.

However, these students are to "read and comprehend literature...in the grades 9-10 text complexity band proficiently, with scaffolding as necessary at the high end of the range". They are to "use narrative techniques, such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines".

Really? Really? Kids whose skill levels are, at best, mid-elementary level are going to do those things? Really?

I am on the verge of tears. I push my kids as hard as I can, but this is ridiculous. Has anyone heard of "instructional level"??

The handwriting is on the wall for Special Ed teachers. We are in deep doo-doo, people. We are going to be expected to have our kids achieve these standards. Worse still, our kids are going to be even more frustrated. Their already fragile self-esteem is going to take yet another blow.

I intend to write e-mails to any education honcho and politician that I can think of. It is time for Special Ed teachers to advocate for themselves and their students.

Technologically Challenged

2010-08-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

I used to be on the cutting edge of technology. I carried my ex-husband's punched cards to the computer that took up an entire room and sat with him while the program ran. I was right in the thick of it.

And at my first teaching job...I was the one who could fix the ditto machine.

I even had a job where I trained people to use stand-alone word processors and electronic typewriters! I learned DOS! We owned one of those very first, very cute little Macs. I was bowling secretary and did my bookkeeping on a spreadsheet! I was so good with technology.

Now, however, I seem to stink.

I went to some most wonderful workshops this summer about using technology in the classroom. I was amazed with what I saw and couldn't wait to try it.

This afternoon, I wanted to use Blabberize in a lesson. I couldn't figure it out at all. After hours and hours (well, maybe about 55 minutes), I finally produced a little video. Then I lost it. Where did it go?? I haven't a clue.

Okay, forget Blabberize. I decided I'd figure it out this weekend at home. On to making a really simple lesson for the SmartBoard. All went fine, until this one stinking page kept turning vertical on me. Why?? Why was it doing this?? Why wouldn't it go horizontal?? The help, as usual, was no help. I went home discouraged, kicked one or two of my dogs, took a nap, and felt better.

Then...The Boss tweets about Technology Smackdown. He wants the people who went through the workshops to present what they learned to the other staff.

I wonder if there is a ditto machine still in the building?

For Dad

2010-08-14T22:29:00.001-07:00

Dad passed away over three years ago, and there isn't a day that passes that I don't think about him or my mother. I guess that shows that they were pretty great parents.

Dad was an educator. He was my hero, my role model, my best instructor. If I am a good teacher at all, it is all because of my father.

Dad loved the "bad kids"- the kids from the bad families, the kids who caused trouble, the kids no one else liked. He had been one himself, and it seemed that he knew instinctively what those kids were thinking and feeling.

This time of year is particularly poignant for me. After years of being an administrator, Dad went back into the classroom when I was in 9th grade. He taught 4th grade (until he was convinced to go back into administration), and every summer, right before school started, I would go in his classroom with him and help him get ready. He turned his bulletin boards over to me, and I worked so hard to get them just right so he would be proud.

Today, when I was in the car, "The Living Years", an old song by Mike and the Mechanics, came on the radio. These lyrics just hit me so hard:

"I wasn't there that morning

When my father passed away

I didn't get to tell him

All the things I had to say.

I think I caught his spirit

Later that same year

I'm sure I heard his echo

In my baby's newborn tears.

I just wish I could have told him in the living years." (Robertson, B., Rutherford, Mike)

But I don't hear my dad's echo in my baby's tears - my kids are adults. I hear my dad's echo when I hear really good teachers talk about what they are doing. I hear my dad's echo when a teacher shows that he or she really cares about a student. And yes, I hear my dad's echo sometimes coming from me.

And that lets me know I am doing a good job.

What Has Changed?

2010-08-13T18:54:00.001-07:00

(I originally posted this in March and only received one comment. I am hoping for more feedback this time.)

My father was second oldest of 7 children. His father was a mean alcoholic. I never quite figured out my grandmother. She seemed cold and uncaring, but maybe that was just how she dealt with the crappy life she had to live.

My grandfather killed my dad's dog in a drunken rage when my dad was (I think) 8 years old. When my dad tried to stop him, he beat my dad. The next day, my father was shipped to live with grandparents.

His grandparents were not educated nor rich. My great-grandfather Swango had lost both his legs in a train accident, so I am not exactly sure what they lived on. I THINK they both could read and write, but I'm not certain. They took my dad in, loved him, and raised him until he went off to WWII when he was 18.

Dad dropped out of school when he was in 8th grade so he could work. I've seen his report card from 8th grade, and I think the only subject he was failing was math (I inherited that gene!). However, it was during the Depression, and he had to help support the family.

After my parents died, I inherited a pile of stuff. Within this pile, I found a paper that I believe was written when Dad was a freshman in college. I was amazed at how well it was written. How did Dad learn to write like that by the time he was in 8th grade? The grammar was very good, and there were just a few missing commas here and there. And then - I looked at Dad's grades. He had to take Physics - and he earned a B - with an 8th grade education as preparation!

This set me pondering many things. All my uncles except one survived their childhoods, got their GEDs, and became at least middle class citizens. (One uncle inherited the drinking gene and didn't do so well.) We would make all kinds of excuses for kids coming from that kind of background now. Maybe we should stop. Maybe we should say - yeah, that stinks, your parents weren't very good - but it is what it is, so deal with it.

The other thing I wonder is if our expectations as teachers just get lower and lower each generation. My mother's parents both dropped out after 8th grade, but both read a lot and were good with numbers. My Grandpa Taylor owned his own business and kept his own books. Could a person with an 8th grade education do that now?

My father was definitely a lifelong learner way before that phrase became a catch phrase in education. He had his Ed.S. He read all the time. When personal computers came along, Dad bought one and learned to use it. I am sure that Dad could have succeeded in the 21st century - with his early 20th century education.

So what has changed? Why can't a person with an 8th grade education today do the things that were done by a person with an "old" 8th grade education?

Us vs. Them

2010-08-11T15:37:00.000-07:00

No matter what school I have worked at, there has always been an "us vs. them" mentality among the staff members. I have been guilty of feeling this at times, but I try hard to fight it since resentment and hostility don't make me particularly happy. Here are some of the conflicts I have noticed:

1. Teachers vs. administration - This is probably the most common conflict that I see at school. Teachers think the administration doesn't understand what is going on in the classrooms. Teachers think the administration just sits around and thinks of annoying programs for the staff to try. Teachers think that the administration doesn't care about them personally. Teachers think that the administration arbitrarily changes rules without teacher input.

I've worked at five different schools, and this conflict has existed at every one. This is probably just a natural "boss vs. employee" thing. I have a great amount of sympathy for administrators, since my father was one. There are times, however, that I have to shake my head, roll my eyes, and wonder what the heck the bosses are thinking. At those times, I will go to the office and ask them what the heck they are thinking. And...guess what...I have tenure! I didn't get fired for asking questions - at least not yet.

(I now realize after a summer of following #edchat that I am lucky that I have always had the kind of principals that I can confront when I am upset. If I didn't, I'm sure I'd be complaining with everyone else!)

2. Teacher vs. parent Let's face it, some parents are just ridiculous. I know that there are parents out there who are more concerned about their child's grade than what he or she is actually learning. There are parents out there who refuse to believe that their child could ever misbehave. There are parents out there who think they know more about choosing books and content area than the teacher. There are parents who refuse to accept the fact that their child is not a genius. Those parents are a pain in the butt.

However, there are more parents who are actually concerned about their child's education. There are more who want to resolve a conflict in the classroom. There are more good parents than bad ones.

My stomach lurches every time a parent calls or walks in my doorway. "Oh no. What now?"is my immediate thought. I need to correct this emotion!

3. Teacher vs. student We've all had those kids that we just can't get along with. I know, you're not supposed to admit that. Well, I admit it. There were teachers I didn't get along with when I was a student, and I have students that just can't get along with me. Mine typically learn to get over it because they are stuck with me for 4 years! This is the most important conflict to overcome. If a kid doesn't like you, he or she won't be an effective learner in your classroom. And if there is a kid you absolutely can't stand, I'd really suggest that you try to get the kid moved. Teachers are human and have human emotions. Better that we admit to guidance that we are going to pinch a kid's head off if he stays in our classroom than actually do it! Kids can tell when you don't like them. That isn't a good situation.

4. Teacher vs. teacher If a teacher has enough time to really see all the mistakes another staff member is making, then I suspect the observing teacher is not doing his or her job correctly. If a teacher thinks another staff member is getting preferential treatment from the administration, he or she should talk to the administration. We should all be on the same team, wanting the same result. I am guilty of talking negatively about some teachers, and I should stop it. Being negative never makes anything positive.

I hope, this year, that I can do my part to make our building a more congenial, cooperative place. If all of us make just a little bit of effort, life at school can be much more enjoyable.

My Brain Hurts!

2010-08-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know someone out there is thinking, "What brain?" Stop it.

I experienced three fantastic inservice days this week. The two ladies of Recesstec, Nancy Brachbill and Shannon Smith, were wonderful presenters. Their enthusiasm for technology was absolutely inspiring. I learned about so many tools that I didn't even know existed.

Will I use everything that was presented? No. Will I remember everything that was presented? No, I am old. But if I walk away from those three days with just three tools that I didn't have before, think how much I can improve my classroom.

I usually don't like inservice days. I am happy that this week was an exception - and I am looking forward to Monday morning to get more stuff to hurt my brain!

A Passion for Learning

2010-07-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

After eating, sleeping, reading, and wasting hours of time on the Internet, my favorite hobby is music - listening to it, making it, just being around it.

A few weeks ago, I got a bee in my bonnet that I had to learn to play a hammered dulcimer. Don't ask me where these thoughts come from. I've had strange things pop into my head my entire life for no apparent reason. After researching hammered dulcimers on the Internet (which took hours of my time), I discovered that there was a festival in central Michigan that was all about hammered dulcimers. Other instruments were going to be there, like mandolins, fiddles, guitars, etc. - all acoustic. I never need too much of an excuse to go to Michigan when it is 9000 degrees here, so off I went.

The average age of a hammered dulcimer player is probably 80. I spent the day watching senior citizens in workshops, learning how to play a new musical instrument. Some of these people couldn't read music, so there were workshops on how to do that. There were workshops on how to play by ear. There were workshops every hour in four different locations. This festival lasted 4 days. (I only stayed for one.)

This festival was not held in the best conditions. It was conducted at a county fairgrounds. No air conditioned buildings, and it was a hot and muggy day. Yet I didn't hear one complaint. I didn't see one sour face. I didn't see anyone sleeping in class.

Everyone there obviously had a passion for music, no matter what their level of expertise. As I drove back to the motel that evening, I wished I knew a way to bottle that passion and pour it on my students. I am sure my students have a passion for something, but since I teach the "slow learners", the "poor achievers", that passion is certainly not for anything that happens in a classroom - especially an English classroom.

How can I ignite passion for something that has become painful for them? This would be quite like me developing a passion for diet food and exercise! Having a passion for learning to read and write better would help them so much in life, but they don't see that, or they don't care. How can I reach them?

(The end of the story on the hammered dulcimer is that they are VERY expensive and very complicated to play. I couldn't justify buying one when I have a banjo missing two strings sitting in this very room - the reminder of the time I just HAD to learn to play a banjo!)

New School Year Resolutions

2010-07-25T20:51:00.000-07:00

I probably shouldn't do this, because I never follow through with my sole New Year's resolution - which has been to lose weight for the past 23 years. At least I don't think I GAINED any weight this year - and hey, I still have 4 months to lose some, right?

Anyway, there are some things I want to do this school year, so I'll make them public (for the one person who possibly reads my blog posts), and maybe I'll follow through.

1. Lots more writing. LOTS more writing. LOTS and LOTS more writing. The kids hate it and complain so much that my ears may start bleeding, but the only way they are going to become better writers is to write. A lot.

2. Since I will have a Smart Board this year (yay!), I want to do as much interactive stuff with grammar as I can figure out to do. There HAS to be a good way to teach grammar. I haven't found it yet, and I haven't seen anyone else who has found it yet. I'll keep looking.

3. More YA books and less what Ms. Franklin likes to read. I want my struggling readers to find books that they love so they want to read.

4. I hope I won't get aggravated over silly things quite so often. I'm not holding my breath on this one, though. :-)

Anyone else out there making any resolutions for the school year?

Teacher Power

2010-07-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

I have just returned from a trip with the daughter and her boyfriend. The boyfriend and I had quite a few talks in the car while the daughter was dozing, and those talks have made me realize once again what great power teachers have over their students and how important it is not to use that power to hurt.

Tom was not a good student. He told me that when he was little, he had a teacher who would say, "Oh, here comes another F" every time Tom would hand in a paper. Tom naturally stopped handing in papers, and he stopped trying to do well on tests. School became a place he hated, and he became a discipline problem.

Tom is not stupid at all, but this teacher and the cycle she started has not had a good impact on his life. He has his high school diploma, but he is afraid to try to go to school to get any other type of training. He has had trouble getting a job in this economy, and his self-esteem has dropped even more.

I teach mostly students with learning disabilities, and they have often told me how other teachers have called them "low" and "slow" within their hearing or to their faces. This is so hurtful and does not make school a place kids want to be.

I think we always have to remember that our words are affecting students - no matter how much the students seem not to care. Kids who have been criticized and put down for years are overly sensitive to even the most innocent remark made in jest. (I have to be really careful about this, because I like to joke around!)

My students would faint from shock if they came back and found a warm and fuzzy Ms. Franklin, but I hope that they will find that I am more thoughtful about what I say. The least we can do as teachers is make school a positive place to be - for all students.

How Education Failed my Son

2010-07-12T20:18:00.001-07:00

Stephen has always been very bright. I think he was always number one in his class at school. He was valedictorian. He passed all the AP classes and AP tests offered at his high school. He was a National Merit Finalist. I'm not saying this to brag (well, maybe a little), but to point out he was a top student from kindergarten on.

He went to a well respected state university and made the Dean's List a few times. However, Stephen began to be disillusioned about education and its payoff for him during his sophomore year. He began to question why he should try to make As in classes that didn't really interest him. My son is a liberal arts type person. He loves music, theater, film, reading, and history. He majored in history. I kept asking him what he would do with a degree in history if he didn't teach, and he told me he wanted to learn about something he was interested in, not in something that would guarantee him a job. How could I, a teacher who was constantly harping about kids finding their passion, argue against that? Besides, his college advisor told him jobs would be available.

Stephen graduated last year. He could not find a job doing ANYTHING connected to his degree. He is now living at home, working a factory job. He is trying to save enough money to move out of the Midwest - hoping that a liberal arts degree might have more value in some other area.

My son is so disillusioned. He played the education game perfectly. You couldn't find a better student. He is definitely a life long learner, but he says that doesn't matter. He feels that it doesn't matter how smart you are, how much you know, how hard you try to learn -- because he sees that since he is not a science/math /tech person, he may never find a job that he enjoys.

My son's experience has made me view education differently. I read so many "experts" saying we must make kids creative. My son is incredibly creative. He is also incredibly unemployable. It would have been much better for him to go through a vocational program and learn a trade that could allow him to earn a living. He could have pursued his love of history and literature as a hobby. His job might not have been his "passion", but at least he would have the money to live.

I look at my son - intelligent, an excellent reader and writer, creative - and worry what the future will hold for him and those like him. Is there a place in our technological society for people like him?

Your Principal - Collaborator or Roadblock?

2010-07-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight's edchat concerned school reform and how we get from just talking, talking, talking to actually doing something. A lot of the tweeters blamed the administration for holding back true change at their schools.

These comments made me realize how truly lucky I have been in the administrators that I have worked with in my career. I use the word "with" because I feel that all my principals and I have been on the same team. I hope that trend continues until I retire!

My first principal was just starting her career as an administrator. She made many, many suggestions for me to improve my teaching, and I tried them all. My last name was "Brown" at that time, and many of my fellow staff members called me "Mrs. Brown-Noser". That really did hurt my feelings, but I respected my principal so much that I learned to ignore the taunts.

I worked with two other principals as a teacher, and they were also fair, intelligent bosses. I became a SAHM once I had kids, and when my daughter went into kindergarten, I became a Title One Reading Assistant.

My principal at this school was wonderful. He loved kids so much and desperately wanted everyone to learn. He treated me with respect and listened to my ideas, even though I was "just an aide". When our school lost Title One funding and couldn't afford a Title One teacher, I became the "behind the scenes" boss, and the principal and I worked together to keep the program going. We had some HUGE fights - but we always came out of them with a solution to the problem. My biggest regret as a teacher is that I never got to "teach" with him as my boss. He has now retired. I will never forget the years I worked with him - there was so much laughter and fun in that building.

My current principal is very eager for change and sees the need for reform. I think that a lot of the staff thinks I am a brown noser with this boss, too - and if trying the ideas that he throws out for us is brown nosing, I guess that describes me very well. Some of the ideas aren't my cup of tea, and I tell him that. It was difficult for me to get used to his personality since we are so different. However, I have learned that we want the same thing - quality education for ALL the students at our school. And Twitter has allowed me to get to know him better, which is a good thing. I now wouldn't hesitate to go to him with an idea because I know he would consider it from all angles before shooting it down or giving me the go ahead. I respect him, and respecting your boss is absolutely necessary if you are going to be happy at your job.

My list of attributes for a good principal are: fairness, intelligence, an open mind and an open door, and a good sense of humor. (Of course, the PERFECT principal would also look like George Clooney, be single and my age, and love overweight women!)

What are you looking for in your principal?

How Divorce Affected my Daughter's Learning

2010-07-03T18:13:00.001-07:00

As most of you probably have heard or read someplace, almost 50% of all marriages end in divorce (National Center for Health Statistics). I am quite sad to report that my marriage was one of those. I am even sadder to report that I had two children at the time of the divorce, and I am saddest to report that the effects of that divorce will never end for my kids. A lot of divorced parents like to make themselves feel better and pretend that their divorce didn't hurt their kids. It did. Trust me, it did.

I was thinking today about how life changed post-divorce, especially for my daughter, who was only nine at the time her father pulled up stakes. Before that, we always took family vacations that involved visiting some place that was connected to whatever the kids were interested in at the moment. Stephen loved dinosaurs when he was small, so we went to a lot of different natural history museums around the country. When he was older, he was very interested in presidents, so we visited a lot of presidential birthplaces. We did the amusement park, Disney World stuff a little, but we were more a museum/city tours/historical places kind of family.

Erin doesn't remember much of that. She remembers having a mother who was too poor, too distracted, too destroyed to really pay attention to her daughter's passions and interests. She has told me, more than once, that she wishes she was old enough to remember places that we visited.

I carry a lot of guilt for dropping the ball. I didn't do much to enhance her learning. I was so not myself that I didn't even pay much attention to what classes she was taking. Luckily, she is a smart girl and will be okay, and she and I are traveling a lot this summer. But there will always be that empty space in her learning that was filled for her brother, and I am so sad about that.

I think as teachers we must always be cognizant of the fact that so many of our students are not coming from homes like we had when we were growing up, at least if you are my age. It is hard for kids to care about school stuff when they are worried about their families falling apart, getting a new stepmother or stepfather, or worrying if there will be enough money. And, similarly, it is difficult for parents to be heavily involved in their child's education when their entire world may be exploding.

If you are married and have children, please do everything you can to stay that way! Divorce is just not easy on anyone involved.

What Should Kids Read?

2010-06-30T21:06:00.000-07:00

I have been a voracious reader since I was a little girl. I read all the books in the children's section of my small town's Carnegie Library by the time I was in 4th grade, and Mom had to sign a permission slip to allow me to check out "adult titles". That sounded really exciting until I realized that most of the "adult titles" were books written by Grace Livingston Hill and Taylor Caldwell. (I still like Taylor Caldwell, by the way!) It was much more exciting to dig into my father's sock drawer where he hid the best sellers of the day - Valley of the Dolls, The Carpetbaggers, The Group. Years later, I realized he knew all along that I was reading those books when he handed me a box filled with the racy material, telling me that maybe now I would understand what I was reading.

Obviously, being a voracious reader didn't mean I had any literary taste. I would read anything, and I really didn't care if it was great literature or pure garbage. I just wanted to read.

This changed when I was in 8th grade and my English teacher explained that some books were "lit-e-a-tour" and some were trash. Geez. I didn't want to read "trash", so I started reading some classics that she recommended. I thought most of them were rather dull compared to the trash, so I quickly returned to garbage. Mom and Dad let me join the Literary Guild as a Christmas present, and I was in heaven. Best sellers every month were pure joy!

It seemed quite natural that a person who loved to read would either be a librarian or an English teacher. The librarians at my high school seemed a priggish bunch who just wanted everyone to be quiet, and that didn't appeal to me at all. Thus, I became an English major.

Back then, at Purdue University, English majors had to take a lot of stupid classes. Some of the more obvious time wasters were two years of a foreign language, Old English, and some strange thing called "transformational grammar" that I never really understood. And, some of the "lit-e-a-tour" classes were horrible, too. 18th Century British Lit made me want to change my major to anything - even math. I burned Moby Dick in a parking lot, and 3 of us from Early American Lit danced as it went up in flames.

On the other hand, I was exposed to some things that I still love. Yeats - oh my - how I love Yeats. Flannery O'Connor. Flaubert. Hawthorne. Faulkner. Fitzgerald. I still love picking up an anthology of short stories and reading, appreciating all the different styles and techniques of the various authors.

Usually, though, you will find me reading something other than "lit-e-a-tour". Usually, I am reading Jonathan Kellerman (or his wife), or James Lee Burke, or James Patterson. I like Anne Rivers Siddon and Pat Conroy. I read simply for enjoyment. I don't want to think too much. (The son, who is probably an intellectual, can't understand this. I disappoint him constantly with my taste in books and movies. He can't understand just wanting to be entertained. Maybe this comes with age.)

Now I come to my students. They are all reading below grade level. Reading is a struggle for them. I hate to do things that are hard, don't you? Of course you do! So, naturally, my kids hate reading.

When I was first hired to teach English to LD kids, I was told to try to follow the curriculum of the "regular" English classes. So, I bought Shakespeare Made Simple. I bought audio versions of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and To Kill a Mockingbird. The kids STILL hated to read.

I can't comprehend what life would be like without loving to read. I feel like my students are missing out on something so wonderful, so enriching, so powerful that I HAVE to break through to them.

I want my kids to be lifelong learners. If they hate to read, they won't be. So, last year, after many discussions with our awesome librarian, I threw out some of the "classics". We read Acceleration, and my kids liked it. We read Touching Spirit Bear, and my kids DIDN'T like it. We read The Contender, and despite it being dated, the kids liked it.

Don't tell anyone, but I am throwing out more "classics" next year and adding more YA novels. I can discuss point of view, conflict, and all that English-teacher-stuff with ANY book. I just want my kids to realize that reading CAN and SHOULD be enjoyable. If I accomplish that, I will be a very happy teacher.

(I think I just HAVE to keep To Kill a Mockingbird and Macbeth, though.)

A Personal Learning Network

2010-06-22T22:07:00.000-07:00

When Mr. Meister first showed the staff Twitter (I think this was about 3 years ago), I thought it was ridiculous and figured it would never last. This just shows what I know about things.

A year or so later, The Boss suggested we look at #edchat. I'll try to explain what #edchat is, but I am not a techie, so this will probably be a terrible explanation! A group of teachers meets online on Tuesdays (noon and 7 p.m.) and discuss, via Twitter, a topic that is voted upon by the group. Placing the #edchat label on a tweet puts it in the discussion.

At first, I thought edchat was really dumb. It seemed like people were just repeating what other people said over and over again. (This is called retweeting, for those of you who don't know!) It also seemed like a lot of teachers were tooting their own horns and spouting philosophical nonsense that couldn't help anyone. There are a LOT of people tweeting, and my comments were always ignored. I got a headache trying to follow the tweets. I gave up on edchat.

I decided to give it another try in late April, and I think I understand what it is all about now. First of all, I started using Tweetdeck, which is something I would advise anyone who wants to try #edchat or any other Twitter group do. I now can follow the tweets, and if someone tweets something I really like, I respond. If I REALLY like what the person tweets, I follow them on Twitter. And now, I enjoy the weekly discussions.

For me, however, the real value of edchat isn't the Tuesday discussions. Edchat is ALWAYS on, and other teachers post the most amazing links to really interesting and valuable articles all the time. I've had to learn to use Delicious just to try and keep track of the websites I've looked at that I think I will use next year.

I've also discovered other groups on Twitter that are fun to follow. #Edreform is a group that is more radical that the edchat group, and since I am an old hippie at heart, that appeals to me. There are groups for individual subject areas, too. There is even a #grammar for Mr. Doughan!

I'm sold on edchat now, and I hope that more of the staff will give it try. Maybe you will be like me and need to give it MORE than one try. I think it is worth your time!

A Vacation with Dad

2010-06-19T21:26:00.001-07:00

It is officially Father's Day, and the anniversary of Dad's death is also creeping up on me. He has been gone 3 years on Thursday, and I still miss him terribly. I suspect that I always will.

The daughter and I just got back from a very nice vacation, and I spent one of the beach days telling her stories about vacations with my dad when I was little.

Almost every year of my life until I was 17 years old, I spent at least one week in Sarasota, Florida. Dad was convinced that he had found paradise when he found Siesta Key. It WAS very nice, but going the same place every year got a little dull. So, finally, Mom convinced Dad that we should go to the East Coast for a change of scenery.

Dad bought a used camper and put it on his red 1964 GMC truck. Mom and I were not so keen on this camping stuff since there was no bathroom in the camper, and the part that went out over the truck cab had a leak. Dad put some plastic sheeting over the leak and proclaimed the camper was as good as new.

We had a two week trip planned. We were going to Washington, D.C., then we were going to camp at Cape Hatteras National Seashore.

Dad hated crowds, and I guess he thought no one else would want to go to Washington. Of course, he was wrong, and that was before there were too many interstates. The traffic was horrible, and the parking was worse - especially if you were trying to park a big GMC truck. We drove past everything one time, with Dad yelling into the intercom in the camper telling me and my brother what we were passing. We didn't get out. That was my first tour of Washington, D.C..

We then headed off to Cape Hatteras. To get there, we had to go through the Chesepeake Bay Tunnel. There were all kinds of signs posted that propane tanks were prohibited in the tunnel. Of course, our camper had a propane tank. Mom begged Dad to take it off and get a new one when we got to North Carolina. Dad refused, and we drove through the tunnel with the tank. I was terrified that we would blow up at any second, but nothing happened except that Dad was really not very happy about the whole incident, especially since Mom carped at him all the time we were crossing the bay, which is about a 25 mile trip.

He became less happy when we got to Cape Hatteras. The campground was right on the beach, and it was HOT. Campers didn't have air conditioning back then, and ours was too small to really even have a fan. I was whiny when I got hot (hey, some things NEVER change!), and the waves were so big that they knocked me over. And then at night, the mosquitoes appeared, three times larger than Indiana mosquitoes. We left very early in the morning - about 3 a.m., I think. We drove away from the ocean, and Dad pulled into another place just to get some sleep. We kept hearing boat horns all night, but we had no idea where we really were since it was so dark. When we woke up the next day, we discovered that we were parked in some kind of harbor area where camping was totally prohibited.

By this time, Mom and Dad were fighting like crazy. Mom didn't want to camp in the first place, and this entire thing was turning into a huge mess. We drove into South Carolina, and Dad stopped at a grocery store and picked up beer - a lot of beer. We spent that night in a KOA-like campground that was very expensive and noisy. Dad crawled up into the bed over the cab and drank beer - a lot of beer. I think he kind of passed out - but it started storming in the middle of the night, and yep, that roof leaked, all over him. My father had an AMAZING vocabulary when he was angry!

We eventually ended up in a very nice place in South Carolina called Hunting Island. In fact, it was so nice that we went back the next year with another family - after the roof was fixed on the camper.

I think about Dad every day - remembering the things we did together and the advice he used to give me. If your father is still alive, be sure you tell him how much you love him. I wish I would have told mine that more than I did.

I Hold these Educational Truths to be Self-Evident

2010-06-14T20:57:00.001-07:00

One of the most interesting things about reading other educators' blogs and tweets is contemplating different opinions and points of views. Sometimes I want to yell at the computer screen because I think the writer is so far off base; other times, I sit and nod in agreement.

I am feeling feisty and cantankerous tonight, so I decided that I would describe what I believe to be some basic truths about education.

Some quick background on me: I'm old (52), teach English to LD kids (grades 9-12), and I can be quite passionate - even obnoxious- about my beliefs.

Here we go!
1. KNOWLEDGE IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, POWER. When I read that some teachers actually believe that knowledge is useless, I shudder. I become very worried for the future of the world. Without some background knowledge, great literature, art, and music can't be appreciated. Without some background knowledge, we will become a nation of googling ignoramuses. Maybe that type of future appeals to you, but I will pass.
2. YOU CAN'T PUT THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE. Critical thinking is great, but I have students reading at a 3rd-4th grade level. I have students who can't write a paragraph that anyone on this planet could comprehend. My first concern is to get them closer to par so that they can at least be employable and functioning adults.
3. TECHNOLOGY IS NOT THE HOLY GRAIL. Yeah, I'm old, but I like technology. I think it is groovy cool. I think it can get kids much more involved in learning. However, I don't think it is the panacea for all that is wrong with our educational system. We need to use it, we need to have our kids use it, but technology isn't magical. (Even though to someone like me, it seems like magic most of the time!)
4. NOT EVERY KID WILL GO TO COLLEGE. And (hold on now), not every kid SHOULD go to college. Our curriculum is geared towards college-bound students. Let's not forget the others.
5. WE TEACH A LOT OF STUFF THAT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. If it isn't relevant, kids aren't going to remember it. Somehow, we have to make the things we teach matter to kids.
6. WE NEED TO HELP EVERY STUDENT FIND HIS OR HER PASSION. One of the best speeches I heard this year was given by a boy who wants to become a tattoo artist. He has a lot of ink on his body. I think tattoos are ridiculous, but I admired his passion for his subject. A student's passion may seem silly to us, but it isn't our passion. Respect the students' interests and opinions.
7. IF YOU DON'T LIKE KIDS, QUIT YOUR JOB. Immediately. Don't let the door slam you on the butt on the way out.
8. THERE ARE MANY MORE GOOD TEACHERS THAN BAD. Out of the entire staff at my school, there are only about 2 or 3 teachers that I think should leave. Teachers get an undeserved bad rap.
9. STANDARDIZED TESTING STINKS. Every year when I hand out the scores in my classes, my students talk about how stupid they are. I hate the Prairie State with my entire heart. How stupid is Illinois to give the ACT as part of its state testing and expect all the students to meet or exceed??
10. ONE SIZE DOESN'T FIT ALL. We need to offer more options to kids - different hours, online classes, electives, different curriculum tracks, different diplomas.

I'm done! I'd love to argue with you if you are so inclined. :D

Where Do I Go from Here?

2010-06-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

In some ways, it is a lovely thing to have a blog that no one ever reads. I can write about whatever I want to write about and pretty much say whatever I want to say. This is a good way to vent.

When I look back at the last school year, I am very disheartened. Finals were dismal. Kids didn't make a significant amount of progress on the Woodcock Johnson. All writing assignments made me want to cry. I haven't seen the Prairie State results, but I seriously doubt if any of my kids met or exceeded on any test.

And I tried as hard as I know how to try to be a good teacher.

If I had been a slacker and not tried new things, if I hadn't searched the Internet and Twitter for new and interesting ways to do things, I wouldn't feel so useless.

I have good rapport with almost all my students. I like them, and they like me. I can be very funny. I don't mind acting like an idiot if I can get a kid's attention by doing so. I test kids before the school year to see what they need help with, try to teach to those weaknesses, and then test to see if gains were made. I try to use technology whenever I can. My students make movies, power points, comment on a reading blog, use the Internet for research...

But my students don't seem to be learning much about English. My kids all have IEPs, and all the ones I have in class have some kind of reading and/or writing problems - but all them CAN learn. It isn't happening.

Somehow, I'm not doing what I need to do.

I could point to the kids and blame it on them. Yep, they aren't motivated. Yep, they don't care much about school. Yep, they are happy with just barely passing.

But why? What has happened to those kids since they entered kindergarten, all eager and bubbly and loving school - until they got to high school? What has happened to these kids?

I hated high school myself. My parents made sure I got decent grades, but I remember being bored, wondering why I had to learn so much stuff that seemed pointless, wanting out...and then I went to college. More pointless stuff - 2 years of a foreign language to "discipline my mind" - it was poppycock then, and it is poppycock now.

So - have we killed kids' enthusiasm for learning by making them learn so much junk that really doesn't matter? And how do we decide what does matter? Who makes that decision? Right now, it looks like the federal government is going to decide what everyone needs to know. Are they right? Are these new standards just going to make kids learn more stuff that they really don't care about?

I think we are all basically self-taught. Once we learn to read, and read well, we teach ourselves things that matter. NO TEACHER, EVER, TAUGHT ME ANYTHING THAT STUCK IN MY HEAD UNLESS IT MATTERED TO ME.

How do we make it matter? What should matter? Who should decide what matters?

I think I am floundering...is this the start of a mid-life crisis?

Goodbye, seniors

2010-06-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

I usually grow very fond of my seniors, because I have most of them for 4 years, and after that many years, they feel like my adopted children.

This year was no exception. I only had 3 boys in my senior English class, and one senior in a junior English class. They weren't the most diligent scholars in the world, but they did what I asked them to do and only complained about 30% of the time. (Well, except for one student - he complained about 90% of the time, but he did it in such a funny way that I really didn't care.)

These boys will be good men, hard workers, and useful citizens. I am proud that I know them. I'm not sure how much English they learned from me, but I hope they all learned that teachers do care and worry about students.

I also had a student NOT in class that I will miss very much. I placed him in regular English his junior year, much to his dismay. He did fine, as I knew he would. This student works three times harder than other students to compensate for his disability. He is just an awesome person.

Good luck, Class of 2010. You were a very good year.

On Mentoring

2010-05-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

When this mentoring thing was first introduced to our school, I threw a major hissy fit. I already had 27 kids on my Special Ed caseload that I was following, and now, I had to follow 18 more. Whose brilliant idea was this?

And then I met my group of freshmen. WILD KIDS. REALLY WILD KIDS. There were too many to fit in my room, so some had to sit on the floor. None of them wanted to listen to me. They were loud. We were told we had to "bond" with this group, so I was hesitant to discipline them like I would a normal class. I HATED MENTORING.

Then we got those idiotic little books that we were supposed to teach lessons out of. I wanted to scream! I didn't want to read those books; the kids CERTAINLY didn't want to read those books. I HATED MENTORING.

It seemed like all the other teachers were giving their kids food. I was so far in debt at that point that I could barely afford to buy food for my family, let alone a bunch of stuff for these wild kids that wouldn't listen to me. I HATED MENTORING.

The next year was a little better. Some of the kids had left, so my room wasn't so crowded. I made connections with a couple of the kids. They realized that I wasn't going to buy them food, so they stopped whining about it. We didn't have to use those stupid little books anymore. Things were improving.

This year was much better, except I think meeting for 2 hours a month is too much. I have read about mentoring in other schools, and I learned that we don't have to teach "lessons" as much as discuss what the kids want to discuss. This is what we did this year. I am down to 9 kids, which is wonderful. I know this will probably change next year. :'( I feel that I am connected to ALL my kids, and I like them all. One of the kids that I had to kick out in 9th grade was my SOS student this year!

I have slowly come around to thinking this mentoring thing might not be such a horrible idea after all. I have tweaked it to something that I am comfortable with, and it seems to be working. I already know that I am going to REALLY miss my mentoring group when they graduate next year.

I guess maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks.

2nd Semester Reflections

2010-05-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

The year is coming to an end, and I am already thinking about what I want to do differently next year.

Seniors - Next year, I am going to have every student do a "perfect" project, but whatever the project choice, it needs to pertain to his or her career plans. A student who plans to be a nurse will do a "perfect hospital" or "perfect doctor's office", a future mechanic will do a "perfect garage", etc. I need to make the assignment have very specific requirements, because I think my "perfect farmers" this year wasted lots of time. I'm keeping To Kill a Mockingbird and adding a YA novel. I'm searching for one right now.

Juniors - Yuck. Research papers were not pretty. Even though I gave them a sample that I wrote, students didn't follow the planner, and the MLA junk was not done well at all. I am not sure how to improve on this assignment. I'm still not sold on the fact that kids who aren't planning on going to college need to know how to write a persuasive essay or use MLA format.

I am interested to see if the kids improve their scores on the grammar post-test. We spent almost the entire 2nd semester working on grammar. This was "Basic Grammar that Franklin Thinks Every Human Being Needs to Know", so I used handouts - no books.

Sophomores - I am getting rid of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer next year...it bores me as much as the kids. I am searching for a good biography to add to 2nd semester, and I am going to read the play about John Merrick to see if the kids can handle it. These students also did a smaller version of a research paper; again, the results were not pretty.

Freshmen - I like the way this semester went, and I am satisfied with the materials I used. I really like the graphic novel version of myths that Ms. Hill led me to - she is awesome! The movie projects were not as good as I had hoped, but a few students really did get interested in this project and did a good job.

I will definitely do more writing next year. I am going to have the kids write short papers once a week. I have been investigating writing portfolio ideas online and have some ideas bubbling in my feverish little brain.

I am nervous about teaching a general ed class next year, but I think it will be interesting.

Any kids that want to chime in about 2nd semester are welcome to comment!

What is Bullying?

2010-05-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

There was a lively discussion today in mentoring about bullying. It seems that everyone has a different idea of what bullying is.

To me, anything someone does with the intent of hurting someone else is bullying.

Sometimes I see kids tease another student, and that student laughs. Does this mean teasing is bullying? I think if you really aren't friends with that person, you shouldn't tease him or her. If you "poke fun" at someone who isn't a friend, you are bullying.

I know I laugh sometimes when I get teased and my feelings are really hurt. I shouldn't do that, because I am allowing that person to bully me. NO ONE should be allowed to get away with bullying.

Bottom line is - before you make that cutting comment, before you text, before you post something mean on Facebook - think about why you are doing it. If your intention is to cause someone else harm, don't do it.

Love Yourself First

2010-04-23T22:44:00.000-07:00

There is an absolutely nauseating Whitney Houston song whose lyrics tell us that the greatest love of all is the love one must have for oneself.

I hate the song (I don't like Whitney Houston!), but the message is a great one.

I see so many kids (and adults, for that matter) searching for love in all the wrong places. The need for love is such a strong force that we all look for it constantly - thinking that if we find someone to love us, our lives will be perfect and happy.

This driving need for love causes some people to make horrible choices. Wonderful girls choose loser guys. Wonderful guys choose mean girls. Smart women choose shallow men. Nice men choose women who only are looking for a meal ticket. Girls have babies so they will always have someone who loves them.

Sigh. Love. So important for our happiness, so difficult to find.

I'm going to let you in a secret. It took me a long time to realize this, even after hearing Whitney's song.

You have to love yourself more than anyone else.

That sounds terribly selfish and conceited. I fought the idea for a long time because my parents, may they rest in peace, were conceited people. There's a very fine line between conceit and self-love. My parents thought they were more attractive and more intelligent than just about everyone else. I think that is conceit. I think recognizing the fact that you are smart and being thankful for that intelligence is self-love.

I know that society doesn't exactly value who I am. An overweight, middle-aged, divorced woman who doesn't make much money isn't exactly a winner in most people's eyes. But you know what? I care less and less what other people think of me. I know what my good traits are, and I have quite a few of them. Most days, I like myself.

This was not always the case. I was married to a man who only loved me when I looked a certain way. This caused me to think that I was not a good person or a person worthy of love unless I was a size 7.

He was wrong. Anyone who judges you by the way you look is wrong. If you judge yourself by the way you look, YOU are wrong. Being attractive is nice, but it doesn't last forever. What makes a person lovable, valuable, important is what is inside.

There are days I get down on myself, and those are miserable days. Those are the days that I remember every mean thing anyone has ever said to me and think that those statements are true. Those are the days that I think I should try to find a new husband and that anyone would be better than no one. I have to fight off those feelings, and so do you.

Always remember that you are worthy of a love that is true and honest, a love that is based on respect and admiration of what you are on the inside. And if it takes a long time to find another person who appreciates you, that's okay. He or she will eventually come along. Don't settle for someone not worthy of you just to try to fill that empty spot you may be feeling.

If you learn to love yourself, that empty spot will be much less noticeable. In fact, it may go away entirely.

As Whitney sang, "I found the greatest love of all inside of me".

Results of a Real Crash - Not a Re-enactment

2010-04-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

"Live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse" - a line from a Humphrey Bogart movie

Except the corpse probably won't be beautiful.

The daughter went to the visitation for her friend who died last weekend. This girl was beautiful - model beautiful.

Erin was devastated last night. The coffin was open. The girl was no longer beautiful.

Her face was covered with heavy make-up to cover up the bruises and scratches that are the result of flipping a car over in a ditch, except the make-up didn't work. Erin is afraid that she will carry that vision of her friend forever.

The girl's mother sat next to the coffin and stroked her daughter's hair for the entire visitation period.

Don't drink and drive. Don't drive "buzzed". Don't do it.

Please.

Such a Waste

2010-04-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

One of the daughter's good friends died today at 2 a.m. She was driving a car. She had been drinking.

A beautiful, funny girl who had everything to look forward to is gone.

Kids, if you have been drinking, EVEN A LITTLE, don't drive. If everyone around you has been drinking, call a parent, an older brother or sister, an aunt or an uncle. Just don't drive. Ever.

Underage drinking is a very difficult problem to handle if you are a parent. I don't allow the daughter to drink at my house because she is not 21. And when she goes out and I suspect that she is going to drink elsewhere, I tell her to call me if she needs a ride. Her brother got the same lecture before he turned 21. Both kids have made that call. It was hard not to lecture them on the ride home, but I didn't want to make the experience so unpleasant that they would avoid calling me if the need came up again.

I look at it this way - I'd rather pick up my child in a car than have to view a body in the morgue.

A Very Bad Thing Happening to a Very Good Person

2010-04-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

My sister-in-law Jeanie has cancer. Thank goodness it is a very treatable kind of cancer, but I am pretty mad that she has cancer at all.

I have met lots of people in my life who call themselves good Christians. I have known maybe 4 people I would consider good Christians. Jeanie is one of them.

My brother is 6 years older than I am, and I pretty much worshipped the ground he walked on. He got married when he was 19, and I was very sad about it. Jeanie made sure that they included me in very special ways. They were living in Terre Haute at the time (my parent and I lived in Indy), and Jeanie would ask me over to stay with them. I had never had a sister, and I loved spending time with her.

They moved back to Indy a few years later, and my brother worked the night shift. I would go over to their house after school and visit with Jeanie. She taught me the wonders of the tomato juice/animal cracker combination. We would talk about music, boys, everything. One of my favorite memories of that time is when we both got our wisdom teeth cut out on the same day. We spent an evening on my parents' bed, totally whacked out on pain medicine, making each other laugh even though it was very painful to do so.

After I got married, I didn't see Jeanie as much. However, I never lost my affection for her, and my admiration for her as a mother and a wife grew each year.

It was during the last year of my father's life that I saw what this woman is truly made of. My brother took my father into their home, and Jeanie literally saved his life. Dad couldn't stand to eat the nursing home food, and his kidneys were failing. She made him food that he loved to eat that was good for him. She measured everything to the last ounce. I can't even begin to imagine how much work she did. I can't even begin to ever thank her.

During this period, my mother was not a nice person. She did many hurtful things to my brother and Jeanie. Yet, I never saw Jeanie lose her temper with my mother. She was never anything but kind to her. I was amazed. I couldn't have done it.

Jeanie reminds me a lot of the heroines in Willa Cather's books. She is quiet and unassuming, but she is very strong. I have the feeling that there is a wealth of talent and intelligence brimming in her that she never flaunts.

And so - this really wonderful person has cancer. There are so many really horrible people that never suffer. I can't understand it, and I won't even pretend to try.

If you are a religious person, please pray for Jeanie. If you are not a religious person, think positive thoughts. I am hoping with all my heart that the chemo and radiation therapies will be as painless as possible for her. A wonderful person deserves at least that much.

My Baby Turns 19...wow

2010-04-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the daughter's birthday. She is my youngest, and I just can't believe she will be 19 years old.

We went through a very rough time when she was in 8th/9th grade. She hated me, and I wanted to send her to military school. We laugh about it now, but at the time, I truly didn't think I would make it through her teenage year. So many sleepless nights, so many tears!

But now, we are excellent friends. I enjoy her company so much. We love to do things together. (Well, except for long car trips when we argue about whose iPod is going to be used.)

Erin is going back to Bloomington next year, and I will really miss her. I complain a lot now about her messiness, but I know that a clean house will never make up for her not being around.

For those of you with young ones, enjoy them now. Those years, staying at home with my babies and pre-schoolers, were the very happiest years of my life. Kids grow up much too quickly. Love and hug them while you can.

Pioneer Spirit

2010-04-07T22:03:00.000-07:00

"A pioneer should have imagination, should be able to enjoy the idea of things more than the things themselves." - Willa Cather

If you check out our reading blog, you will see that I am currently in love with Willa Cather and her books. Most of her writings deal with pioneers settling in less than nice places and how they overcome their adversities.

I would have been a horrible pioneer. I don't even like to camp. Everytime we used to travel to the Eastern United States, I would think that I never would have left to go anywhere else. And when I would have hit those Smoky Mountains, I would have thrown a huge fit and turned around and gone home.

But our ancestors kept on going. I find this just amazing. Imagine going through the utter boredom of Kansas in a horse-drawn wagon! It is bad enough driving in that state in a car. And then...the Rocky Mountains! How totally daunting it would have been to try to cross those babies.

I admit I have little, if any, pioneering spirit. I am scared to try new things and strike out on adventures. Maybe that is why I really admire people who push ahead and explore new places and ideas. Are you a pioneer? Do you want to set off for different places and explore a different life?

Grief Stinks

2010-03-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

I am having a hard time this week. I am now feeling the full brunt of my mother's death, and it is throwing me for quite a loop.

I have written before that I have lost other people whose losses have left huge holes in the fabric of my life. My father, my best friend, and my husband are all people who haven't been and won't be replaced in my heart. Now I can add my mother to the list.

I miss my parents so much. Dad and I could talk about education for hours. I truly just loved to hear him talk ...I think I miss the sound of his voice more than anything. I especially loved to hear him laugh. Mom and I talked about absolutely everything. From the time I was about 30 until she had open heart surgery, she was truly my best friend. She changed after her surgery; she was not as alert and her tongue was sharper. However, I could still talk to her about problems at work and with the kids, and she listened and offered good advice.

My friend Nancy was truly a kindred spirit. We were friends from first grade until she died, and her death, sudden and shocking, was one of the very worst moments of my life.

So, I am feeling kind of lost and empty right now. My children are too caught up in their own lives to care very much about mine, and that is how it should be. There's really no one who cares what kind of triumphs and troubles I may have. There is no one to give me advice on what to do. There is no one who really cares if I read a great book, or hear a great song, or take a great walk and see something interesting. There is no one who will let me cuss and swear and blow off steam and then make me laugh.

Maybe I need to get another dog....

I Can't Explain This

2010-03-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

An amazing thing has happened during my last two years here at PCHS. I LOVE MY JOB. Now, that isn't to say that there aren't days that I am angry, or tired, or irritated - or that there aren't students that make me want to scream. However, looking at the total picture, I really like coming here everyday.

This wasn't always the case. My first year was terrible. I had to teach subjects that I didn't like or really know much about - Biology, Health, and Earth Science. (The next year was worse - math got stuck in there, too.) I was terrified of Mr. Meister because he was so inscrutable. I had just gotten divorced and was pretty much confused about everything. I wasn't familiar with Special Ed laws and how to write an IEP. I lived in terror, day to day, that I was going to be fired. I didn't have any friends here and no one to talk to. I remember that first year, the battery died on my car, and no one offered to help me except Mrs. Propst. (Bless her heart!) We had block scheduling those first two years, too. I know some teachers loved it; it made my life miserable. I had a load of Learning Resources that were so large that I had to have them in what is now Mrs. Stallings's room because my room was too small. All that time with students who had absolutely nothing to do was not a pleasant experience.

Each year, things have gotten better, and now, I teach English all day. This makes me very happy! I also have made some good friends, particularly the other English teachers. I truly look forward to seeing them at lunch each and every day. I hate that Mrs. Sherer is leaving because our group just won't be the same. She may just have to come back and eat lunch with us.

All of you need to remember this when you start working. You may get into a work experience that is not your dream job. You may wonder if you can stand working there for any length of time. If you are patient and give it time, things just might turn out as well for you as they have for me.

A Long Weekend

2010-03-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend at my parents' house, trying to make some sense of the multitude of junk that they had accumulated in their lifetimes. As my niece said, my dad was a pack rat, and my mom was a hoarder. Not a good combination, I am afraid.

I spent yesterday in their attic. It is a very small space that was filled with bags of boxes, boxes of bags, bags of bags, and boxes of boxes. There were also Christmas decorations, punch bowls, fancy snack plates - stuff that didn't mean much.

However, there were things that brought tears to my eyes. Old valentines that I had made when I was little - kept by my mother all these years. My dead sister's baby book - filled out in my dad's handwriting - kept very complete until her 14th month - the month she died. My sister has been dead for over 60 years.

Then there was MY baby book, which made me laugh. It was also filled out in my dad's handwriting, but only the first page had been completed. And the daughter thought I was bad!

I also found a small diary my dad kept when he was in the war. He was never able to talk to me about his war experiences without breaking down, so I am eager to read this.

There are a few other closets to clean out, and my brother and I will tackle those over Spring Break. I just wonder what we will find.

What Has Changed?

2010-03-14T18:11:00.000-07:00

When we went over to my parent's house a few weeks ago, the son threw one of my dad's college papers in a box of things that we were keeping. Last night, I was sorting through that box and read the paper.

I think I have written a lot about my father and his childhood, but maybe someone is reading this that hasn't followed me since my blogging beginnings. So, I will repeat my father's history.

My father was second oldest of 7 children. His father was a mean alcoholic. I never quite figured out my grandmother. She seemed cold and uncaring, but maybe that was just how she dealt with the crappy life she had to live.

My grandfather killed my dad's dog in a drunken rage when my dad was (I think) 8 years old. When my dad tried to stop him, he beat my dad. The next day, my father was shipped to live with grandparents.

His grandparent's were not educated nor rich. My great-grandfather Swango had lost both his legs in a train accident, so I am not exactly sure what they lived on. However, they took my dad in, loved him, and raised him until he went off to WWII when he was 18.

Dad dropped out of school when he was in 8th grade so he could work. I've seen his report card from 8th grade, and I think the only subject he was failing was math (I inherited that gene!). However, it was during the Depression, and he had to help support the family.

After the war, Dad came home and married Mom. Mom had graduated from high school with all As, and she would have loved to have gone to college. However, there was no money in her family for that, and at the time, not that many girls went to college. I am positive that Mom pushed Dad into getting his GED and going to college.

When I read this paper last night, which I believe was written when Dad was a freshman in college, I was amazed at how well it was written. How did Dad learn to write like that by the time he was in 8th grade? The grammar was very good, and there were just a few missing commas here and there.

This set me pondering many things. All my uncles except one survived their childhoods, got their GEDs, and became at least middle class citizens. (One uncle inherited the drinking gene and didn't do so well.) We would make all kinds of excuses for kids coming from that kind of background now. Maybe we should stop. Maybe we should say - yeah, that stinks, your parents weren't very good - but it is what it is, so deal with it.

The other thing I wonder is if our expectations as teachers just get lower and lower each generation. My mother's parents both dropped out after 8th grade, but both read a lot and were good with numbers. My Grandpa Taylor owned his own business and kept his own books. Could a person with an 8th grade education do that now?

I don't think we should go back and teach the same things and use the same methods that were popular in 1918. But I do wonder - if it were possible to give achievement tests to people who went to school from 1900-1950 and compare them to the scores of kids today, would we see a downward trend? I know they changed the SAT scoring from the time I took it to artificially inflate the scores. Why is this happening?

Guessing Game

2010-03-12T22:06:00.000-08:00

There's a little game I play when I am at teacher-type meetings and get bored. I look around at the other staff members and try to figure out what they were like when they were in high school.

The younger teachers are pretty easy, because they probably haven't changed that much since high school. It is the older ones that are more fun to guess about.

Who do you think might have been a hippie? Which teacher might have carried a picket sign in a march? Who played football many years ago? Who played bass guitar in a garage band? Who has always been a bit of a dork?

If you ever get bored in class (not MINE, of course!), you should try to make up a biography about your teacher. You might even write it down and give it to him or her and see if the teacher will tell you how close you hit the mark. That might be fun!

Alone again, Naturally

2010-03-08T08:34:00.000-08:00

I read another blog this weekend (principalspage - he is very funny, so I recommend it!) that got me thinking about my own life.

The blog discussed eating alone, and why some people feel weird doing so.

I will be divorced 9 years next month, and I still won't eat alone at a "fancy" restaurant, like Olive Garden or Red Lobster. I tried TGI Fridays once, and the hostess yelled, "Only one????" at the top of her voice and everyone in the restaurant turned around to stare at the loser who had no family or friends. (Okay, that is a slight exaggeration.) That finished me with fancy restaurants.

The fanciest I will go is Bob Evans. There are a lot of old people in there who are widows or widowers, so I don't feel that I stick out so much.

I eat out at fast food places alone almost daily. (Yeah, I know - I was supposed to give that up this year.) I just take a book or newspaper, and life is fine.

I won't go to the movies alone. This is going to present a big problem if the daughter ever moves out of the area. Most women my age like romantic comedies, and those make me barf. I love movies like Zombieland. I really like going to the movies, so this may be a hurdle I have to get over someday. Maybe I'll just sit by a group of people and act like I'm with them.

I also love to travel, and I haven't done that alone yet. I'm not sure if that will make me feel odd or not. I know if I go on a tour of a house, everyone will be matched up but me, and I really like to tour old buildings and houses. On the other hand, I think it would be really nice to do whatever I want and see whatever I want to see without messing with someone else's wishes. Having complete power over my life is one thing I absolutely love about being single.

Two other things I enjoy that I won't do alone are bowling and golf. As long as the daughter stays with the current boyfriend, I have a partner for these activities. We are very equal in skill at both, so we always have a good time talking smack to one another. I don't know what I will do if they break up, or if she starts dating someone who thinks he is too good to compete against me.

I wonder if this is a gender issue. Do men feel strange when they are alone in some situations? Or do I feel odd because I was part of a couple for so long? Maybe when I've been divorced 23 years, I won't mind doing everything by myself.

I think the answer to my situation is to care less what people think and do what makes me happy. That is probably the answer to a lot of things in a lot of our lives!

IEP projects

2010-03-05T17:30:00.000-08:00

All of my students have now completed a little power point presentation in preparation for their IEP meetings. This presentation was all from the student's perspective and covered strengths, weaknesses, career goals, and concerns about the future.

Most of the students did a really good job. Many have a good handle on what causes them difficulties in school. I learned some things I didn't know about my kids, too. I will be doing this assignment next year, and I think I will let the kids discuss what accommodations they think would help them succeed in their classes.

The case managers of these students may use these presentations at IEP meetings. I know I will use them at some of mine.

So, good job, kids! And teachers, if you are so lucky as to be invited to an IEP meeting, you may get to see one of these presentations.

A Lot of Stuff

2010-03-02T21:21:00.000-08:00

The family met Friday to go through Mom & Dad's stuff. This was not a pleasant experience. Walking into the house really made the fact that they are both gone seem real, and it just seemed plain wrong to be going through my parents' cabinets, closets, and drawers. However, this is an unpleasant task that has to be completed.

I am surprised with what I brought home from their house. I have the glassware Mom inherited from her aunt. I hate glassware. However, Mom was very proud of it and loved it, so I discovered that I wanted it, too.

I have all the photo albums. My brother had previously scanned the pictures that he wanted. I am old-fashioned and prefer the real pictures. My grandmother's photo albums are there, too. Stephen found an ancient photo album in a closet. We have no idea who the people are - but we know they must be relatives. I don't know how I am going to find out the identity of these people!

I also have two paint-by-number paintings that my dad did. I don't like paint-by-number paintings, but I remember the hours and hours Dad spent working on these when I was a little girl. These will soon be up on my wall.

Stephen took books and all of Dad's IU memorabilia. Erin took Mom's costume jewelry. Erin and I just finished looking at this jewelry, laughing at some it, and remembering how "fixy" my mom was about her appearance. These are good memories.

My spring break will be spent cleaning out more stuff at my parents' house. I think they both had a little hoarding issue, so this will be a big job. I wonder what else I will find that will now be priceless to me - just because it belonged to two people I loved with all my heart.

Sad Times

2010-02-23T17:04:00.000-08:00

I think most of you know that my mom died today. She died during physical therapy, and it was a quick and painless death. I am SO grateful for that. I am also grateful that she was sharp and alert to the end. The physical therapist told me Mom was cracking some kind of joke right before she died. That is how I hope I go!

I can't even begin to explain how it feels to not have either one of my parents. I always knew that they loved me, and that was such a comforting feeling. I have spent most of the afternoon just thinking about happy times with my family. There were certainly a lot of them!

I'll be back on Monday. Please behave for the sub!!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2010-02-19T17:20:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty disgusted with some of our students tonight. We had a pep assembly today, and it seemed like a better name for it would have been "I'm-too-cool-to-care" party.

I was not exactly Patty Pepgirl when I was in high school, and my attitude was rather poor. However, I always got up when the school song was played, as did everyone else, and I went to a HUGE high school of over 4,000 students. You would think a small high school would have a lot more pride and spirit since you all know one another. You would think that you would show appreciation for your fellow classmates who spend so much time and effort to be on a team or in the band. You should respect them for having the guts to work hard and try their best.

And while I am on a rant, I can't make you stand up during the Pledge of Allegiance, but it really cranks me off when you don't. I think of my father and how much he suffered for so many years fighting to give you the freedom that you just take for granted. You should stand up just out of respect for every man or woman who ever fought in a war.

If you don't want to show respect at a pep assembly, let someone know. I'm sure we can arrange for you to sit in a study hall instead - and - get off your butts during the Pledge of Allegiance.

A Reflection of the Year (Thus Far)

2010-02-16T19:20:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I was indulging in my newest Tuesday night obsession. This is a Twitter site called #edchat. Every Tuesday, teachers and principals and all kinds of educators "tweet" for a couple of hours about a topic that the majority of #edchat tweeters have chosen. I missed most of tonight's session because I was visiting my mother. (I wasn't really VISITING her; I was really being chewed out by her because her laundry has become dingy since I started washing it. But that is another blog...)

I was disappointed that I missed most of the session because I had actually voted on the topic, which was teacher evaluation. I only caught the tail-end, but I did read one tweeter's suggestion that all teachers should blog daily and reflect on what had gone on in his or her classroom.

I have come to realize that I only write these blogs for myself. I had decided this morning that I was giving up blogging because it seems pretty pointless to write to myself. (Similarly, I was going to give up Twitter, but I just really like #edchat!) I'm not going to blog every day, but instead of giving up totally, I thought it might be valuable to reflect on the year since we are past the half-way point.

Freshmen - This group has come a long way! I have seen a lot of growing up since August, and I am proud of these kids. There are still moments when I have to shake my head over their antics, but almost everyone is reading much better and really trying to do well. The reading selection I have most enjoyed with this group was the mythology graphic novel. Ms. Hill showed me this in August, and I knew I had to try using it. I think the students really grasped the myths much more easily using this format.

Sophomores - This group still makes me crazy. Many of these students won't complete assignments and don't seem to really care about their grades. I keep trying new things, but nothing seems to reach them. Some of these kids really enjoy doing presentations, so I am trying something new with them in connection with their IEPs. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this assignment intrigues some of these students.

Juniors - I know most of these kids enjoyed reading The Contender quite a bit. This was another new book for me this year, and I will use it again next year. They are not enjoying grammar. I need to find some more interactive things for us to do, but it is difficult without a smartboard. I have found that my students get way too distracted when we try to use the smartboard in the library. I need to figure out some old-fashioned, non-technology grammar games.

Seniors - I love this group of boys, but I don't feel we have accomplished all that much. I need to step it up with this class and really start hitting some practical, everyday writing.

I need to do more writing with ALL of my classes. I MUST do more writing with all of my classes. I am so convinced that reading is the most important skill that my students can have that I don't do enough writing. I need to change this! But I am at a loss of where to start with writing because the skills seem so low for some students.

Well, that was a pretty painless self-evaluation! I wouldn't mind doing this on a regular basis. Maybe if I think more about what is working and what isn't, I will be able to reach those kids that seem so unreachable.

Kids - I'd love your comments. What has worked this year, and what hasn't?